Who Has Had the Biggest Impact in My Life?

Who is the PERSON or CAUSE that has had the biggest impact on my life? What one stroke of the paint brush best defines the life picture I am looking at today? What one potter's hands working the clay of my being have contributed most to forming and shaping me into the person I find myself today?
While some may not find the task of determining what person or cause has had the greatest impact difficult at all, why is it such a challenge for me? Now I could cite a number of people and circumstances, many of which I've already written about in this blog, without a problem. Their impact has to varying degrees defined me. But one that stands out over all others eludes me.

There are different approaches I could take in answering the question. Since my writings are usually spiritual in nature, I am sure there are many who will name GOD, the author of life itself, or some manifestation of the divine be it Jesus, Buddha or the likes of a Mother Theresa as having had the biggest impact. Still others will name a religious tradition, discipline or faith as most defining. Some may need to find a bible verse or consult with a pastor or the leader of a religious movement to insure that whomever or whatever is named, the selection is righteous. I've already written about those who have had a profound impact on who I am spiritually, from my mentor John Grathwohl who led me to discover deep within a love for pastoral ministry and good liturgy to Jim Barrett who helped me discover the importance of using my own brokenness to connect with the experiences of those to whom I pastor and an appreciation for a conversational over an academic approach to teaching, preaching and writing.

Like those who will select a family member, I could easily justify naming my parents and their upbringing as having the greatest impact. Afterall it is there I learned to value experience over possessions and discovered for the first time that the world doesn't always unfold rationally and that life's journey may be characterized more by finding peace with questions rather than discovering the answers.

There are those who may point to a loss of health or battling a disease as most defining. Like them I could reflect upon my own lifelong struggle being overweight, on the times when I was able to gain control and enjoy exhilarating moments of fitness, health and soaring self-esteem to times when it held control over me devastating my self image, crushing my spirit and leaving me feeling unworthy to partake in anything life had to offer. I could name the number of family members and friends whose lives were lost battling cancer or of my own thoughts and fears when first learning two years ago that it also knocked at my own door. I could also write volumes about the impact mental illness has had on the hopes and dreams of two marriages and the subsequent personal battles with depression it left in its wake.

I could name people who have believed in me at times when I didn't believe in myself. Among this list are Gert Sowers who alone stood by me, supported me and loved me through the darkest and most difficult moments of my life and who continues to do so despite the separation by distance and time. She more than any other person has encouraged me to find my spiritual purpose and to write... and so I continue to blog as gentlefootprint. Also on that list would be Sue Chicvara who, at a time when I doubted my ability, gave her young pastor an avenue for celebrating his love for singing. Perhaps if I had followed her prompting and was younger you might be seeing me on the audition highlights for American Idol! To this list I must also add Brent Cole's name. Brent is a highly popular host of karaoke around town six nights a week. He keeps the dream Sue first envisioned alive by encouraging my karaoke performances. And then there is David Holcomb, my high school art teacher. Dave's instruction choreographed my transformation from having a dad who drew awesome cartoons to realizing I too had artistic talent. He nurtured within me the development of an artistic sense that gave me an appreciation for art forms capable of capturing a reality far richer and deeper than the written word.

I find it interesting how often someone's attempts to describe what someone or something actually is winds up being a discourse about what it is not. My reflection on the person or cause that has had the greatest impact on who I am or what I have become has also helped me to realize that I have consciously chosen not to become many things I have seen in others, things I have found repulsive. By helping me to appreciate who or what I was not or did not wish to become, they've made a positive contribution in defining who I actually am.

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