eReligion

A few of you questioned my assertion yesterday that the world hasn't seen the birth of a great religion with the impact and influence of "the big five" of Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity and Islam in nearly 1400 years. While at first tempted to research the historical texts to throw a quote or two at you to prove that you are wrong to question gentlefootprint's authority, I decided - being the open-minded guy that I am - to revisit that assertion. After careful reconsideration, I stand corrected. I failed to recognize the contemporary faith of the masses - eReligion!

eReligion is the religion of the internet, of the blogging world. It's holy of holys is the email chain letter. I have come to appreciate

1. That the canon of the eReligion scriptures is comprised of all of the email chain letters that are forwarded to you. You can locate them in your SPAM filter, which is one of the shrines of eReligion.

2. That prayers must only be raised before God during the course of reading and forwarding an email chain letter.

3. That God will listen to your prayers only when you immediately identify and forward the email chain letter to seven different persons.

4. That God will actually answer your prayers if you can identify and forward the email chain letter to an additional five people (making a total of 12). Be careful, however, as you only have five minutes to do this as well as make a wish. After five minutes have elapsed the email chain letter becomes defiled and you will need to take part in a ritual cleansing in order to regain the attention of God's holy ear.

5. That you can attain ritual purity by cutting and pasting this post into a new email chain letter and sending it on to 100 people instructing each to forward the chain to 7 people of their choosing.

6. That God has partnered with Microsoft and Time-Warner in a special email program whereby they agree to pay the eReligion Church 10 cents for every email address that gets attached to an email chain letter. I contacted Micorsoft and this is real!!!! Bill Gates has actually devised a way to track this!

7. That for every email chain letter you forward on to another person, God will give you an angel who will look out for you.Now I do know that God does not want us to drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper because the people who make these products are athiests and refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

Being just a baby eReligion convert myself, I invite any of my readers who are high priests of eReligion to share any teachings I may have overlooked.

Copyright 2006 Don Neale, Jr.
All rights reserved.