A Letter of Sympathy

I sent the following letter of sympathy to my ex mother-in-law. I share it here because it tells a bit more of my personal story...

March 29, 2006


Dear Joan,

Please accept my deepest sympathy for you, Helen, Rex and Richard with Claude's passing. I pray that with the passing of time you may all find comfort and peace over your loss.

Time goes by too quickly. In just 6 weeks, Helen and I would have been celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary. I never would have expected that circumstances would lead Helen to decide that I was not the man she wished to accompany her through life, to provide for her family and stand at her side to offer comfort and support at times such as these. Nevertheless, you and Claude were always accepting of me and understanding as well and for that I will forever be grateful. I hope in your heart you feel the same toward me.

When I think of Claude, two things come to mind. First were the great times Helen and I, Shane and a whistling baby named Kaitlyn had when we would get in the car and together hit the open road. I loved our many road trips and, even though gas prices make it harder, continue to enjoy traveling the countryside to this very day. It is what Claude chose to do for a living and, after his disability, we were able to continue to keep what he loved so much alive for him through our many, many car rides together. I have no doubt that these brought him much peace and happiness.

A second memory that I will always treasure is how you and Claude were both there for me after Shane was born. Even though I entered the picture just a month into Helen's pregnancy and, like any father would do, did all I could to bond with him throughout that pregnancy, being "just" a step parent rather than Shane's biological father was difficult for me. I found myself depressed and questioning my relationship to Shane. Through your love and caring I came to appreciate, as you both would frequently assure me, that "anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy."

You are an extraordinary woman, Joan. I think of how lucky a man Claude was to have had you, someone who so unselfishly cared for his basics needs long after he was no longer capable of offering you anything in return. You just don't see that kind of love, faithfulness and commitment much anymore. Please don't second guess yourself about placing him in the nursing home when his health needs became more than you were able to provide. You did everything you could and consistently went beyond the extra mile. Claude fully appreciated everything you did for him to make his life as fulfilling as possible.

As a truck driver, Claude loved the open road. I like the freedom of spirit you find in someone choosing to do this for a living. While his disability may have hampered that spirit and left him dependent upon others for too long a while, his death has once again set his spirit free to hit the open road.

God bless you all

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