Beyond The Grave

"Why do you seek the living among the dead?" - Luke 24:5

It caught me by surprise when, last night after dark, I received a call from Chris telling me she was going to accompany her parents to visit Teresa's grave. Nine months have passed since their 51 year old daughter and sister's death to cancer. With the exception of my father-in-law's week-long stint in the hospital himself with internal bleeding, Chris' parents have visited the grave every day religiously. They say it gets harder for them with the passing of time.

When they get to the cemetery they talk to Teresa as one would share the day's unfolding with a loved one or friend over a cup of coffee. More than a few tears are shed and, before they depart, they embrace the headstone.

November is particularly difficult for my in-laws as it was tradition for the family to gather at Teresa's to celebrate Thanksgiving. This year there will be no such family gathering nor will they journey this winter to Florida as they have over the years. "It is too soon," they say. "It just wouldn't be right."

I am sure many grieving parents find themselves going through similar motions with the approach of the holidays. I can't begin to imagine what it must be like for a parent to lose a child, however old. I consider myself blessed that, at 55, I still have my parents. I wonder, however, how long my in-laws will cling to their routine. They don't really think Teresa would have wanted them to stop living just because she lost her own battle with cancer.

Now we are surely creatures of habit and find great comfort in going through the motions of what is familiar. Growth demands however that we pause to ask the hard questions. But asking "Why" leaves us vulnerable.

Yet if any hope at all can be found in the experience of death it is that the deceased is no longer restricted by place and time. The spirit is set free, no longer bound by the body. To over identify with the grave is to doom a loved one to the same limits imposed on them in this life.

Although Teresa's body rests in that hallowed hole, her spirit won't be found there. Her spirit will be found in the things she loved to do in life, like gather with family to celebrate Thanksgiving. I believe that in my life my ancestors story continues to unfold and, long after I take my last steps on earth, my own story will continue in those I leave behind. But that story cannot continue when the grief of loved ones prevent them from living.

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