Fantacism vs Free Will

So recently we have learned it's potentially a capital offense for an Islamic man to convert to Christianity in Afghanistan. It's okay for an obnoxious group of renegade Baptists to invade the privacy of grieving families by protesting their country's perceived stance on homosexuality at our slain servicemen's funerals. It is okay in our country to cast a ballot at the polls irregardless of a candidate's stand on all other issues of major public policy in order to promulgate the particular tenets of one's religious faith with respect to values that belong between a person and his or her God. In waging jihad it is okay to resort to savagery and target the innocent to issue wake up calls or coerce a people to embrace their views or accept their agendas.

Sorry, but I don't buy any of it. None of it is okay in my book and, I dare say, in God's book either. God's invitation to love and be loved has always come wrapped in free will. This doesn't leave room for religious fanatics of any faith to, presuming the world incapable of exercising that free will, appoint its own governance to establish the rules and its own army to enforce strict adherence to them.

Cheat Codes

Not long after my son gets home from a trip to Blockbuster he's asking good old Dad if he can go online to get "cheat codes" for the newest game he's rented. Now if you've never checked it out before, there are cheat codes out there for every game and every platform. Have you ever wondered like I do what this is subtly and subconsciously teaching people, especially our kids, who have turned to gaming with a compulsion that borders on addiction?

The value used to be on developing fundamentals and skills through good old-fashioned practice, practice, practice! Unless you were born to excel in your chosen endeavor, experience would lead to some degree of earned proficiency. Technology, however, is changing the landscape as literally we become more and more a "now" generation that doesn't have to
wait or work for anything.

Are we slowly reducing life to a game where we can seek "cheats" that allow us to circumvent or bail us out of the hardships and difficulties that come our way? Are we setting future generations up to fail because they haven't learned how to face the adversities that are inevitable in life without the use of a "cheat?" With this emerging "cheat your way to success" mentality do we run the risk of cheapening the role or value of religion and spirituality by seeing it as yet another way to "cheat" on life?

Identity After Divorce

My kids' grandfather passed away Saturday morning. This is the first time Shane (15) and Kaitlyn (13) have experienced the death of someone close to them. My weekend was spent comforting and attending to their feelings.

I have probably not found myself in a more awkward situation. The deceased was my ex's father. I never had any problems with my in-laws and, together with my ex, much time was spent together on weekends traveling. A disabled truck driver, my former mother-in-law cared for her husband for as long as I can remember over 15 years ago. I often considered how lucky a man he was to have a wife who would stand by him and provide for his basic needs when he could no longer give anything back in return.

When I took my kids over to see their mom and grandmother, I walked them to the house and stepped in the doorway to offer my condolences. How awkward it felt seeing people that had once been a part of my life but were no longer because my ex chose not to have me as the person she wished at her side when facing moments such as these. Divorce doesn't take away that part of me given away to my ex and her family over the years. But who was I Saturday, really? I don't know.

I'm sure my kids found comfort in the bitter brokenness of divorce being set aside if but for too brief a moment while I gave their mom and Grandmother a hug.

Grandmas and Favorites

Tomorrow is Gramma J's 93rd birthday! To celebrate the family gathered at Red Lobster for dinner tonight.

Gramma J is my wife's maternal grandmother. Effie, as the family calls her, took my wife in when she found herself 18, pregnant and separated from her first husband who remained behind in California. Chris grew close to her grandmother and Effie developed a special relationship over the years with her new great grandson Jason.

While few would be comfortable admitting to favorites, Jason is clearly Effie's. In fact he is most likely the reason we are celebrating a 93rd birthday in the first place. Bouncing back from congestive heart failure that nearly took her a couple of years ago, Gramma J fought to be around to see Jason get married. This past year she rode her anticipation of the birth of her first great great grandchild when Jason's wife gave birth to Destiny Michelle. It was no accident we ate at Red Lobster - It has always been Jason's favorite restaurant.

Now I've known other grandmothers who have had a favorite grandchild or great grandchild. Upon her passing my ex's paternal grandmother left her home to her favorite great grandchild Kevin. I always appreciated that both of my own grandmothers held me as special, although I don't recall either showing partiality. It is not my intent to blast favoritism here. Jason and Kevin both gave much more time, attention and love to their great grandmothers than anyone else in their families and both Grandmas merely expressed their deep appreciation.

Are you anyone's favorite? Is their anyone in your family who is your own favorite? Do you feel it is wrong to show favoritism?

Peace and blessings to you all. Have a great weekend!

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Leadership & Other Things...

After sitting through 8 hours of leadership training today, I've been mulling over a few thoughts.

(1) We broke up into small groups to brainstorm and discuss who we thought was the world's greatest leader. An interesting exercise. Bearing in mind corrections is a paramilitary environment, it came as no surprise when the likes of Collen Powell and Gen. H. Norman Schwarzkopf surfaced. Others named included the likes of Martin Luther King Jr., Rosa Parks, Alexander the Great, Gandhi, Lyndon Baines Johnson, Princess Diana and the Pope. But our state trainer wasn't prepared to hear us ultimately give the distinction of greatest leader to Jesus.

(2) I observed how tragic it was that contemporary or current leaders were absent among the names that surfaced. Is there no one out there that instills hope and inspires us to greatness?

(3) Our trainer kept equating supervision and management with leadership. I suggested that this was wrong. The mere fact that someone holds a position of supervision does not make him or her a leader. I believe that a leader is "begotten, not made." I believe that in the workforce and in any group there are persons who will be recognized by the group as natural leaders, as the ones with vision who inspire and move the group.

(4) My definition of a leader? Someone who is a team builder, who recognizes the gifts and talents of individuals and empowers them to share these gifts, who is proactive rather than reactive.

(5) During another group exercise we were asked to list examples of leadership styles that don't work. Among this list was the practice of promoting the wrong people. When a participant asked why this happened, the trainer went around the group and asked if our spouse was like us or our opposite. What struck me was that out of 60 participants, 55 declared there spouse to be their opposite! The trainer suggested that we shouldn't therefore expect any better from our employer. I observed that we don't choose who we want for our supervisor like we choose our spouse.

(6) I was bothered by the 55 out of 60 statistic. What could that mean? Then I figured it out (I think). We don't choose our opposite to be our spouse. We choose someone who feels like our soulmate, our complement. After the ceremony and honeymoon is over we settle into the nitty gritty of married life and we begin to recognize the flaws in our spouse that romance left us blind to. These "new" (are they, really?) discoveries lead us to question our choice or what we got ourselves into. When we say our spouse is our opposite, aren't we merely saying that my spouse isn't the person I thought I was marrying? This stage I believe is where so many marriages fall apart. First sight of the flaws and we want to bail out.

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

American Idol Spirituality

Singer, songwriter, arranger Barry Manilow gave advice to American Idol's final 11 prior to last night's competition in which they chose and performed a song from the fifties. It struck me how that advice is also pretty decent spiritual direction for all of us:

(1) Know who you are, what you do best and don't compromise it. We get ourselves into all kinds of trouble when we envy or mimic someone we would rather be or whose talents or opportunities we prefer. The only thing I am capable of excelling in is being myself. The world would much prefer and benefit most from me being me wholeheartedly rather than pretending to be someone else.

(2) You're not just a singer, you're a story teller. Interestingly you can tell the difference between the performer who is singing a song very well, hitting all the right notes in perfect pitch and the performer whose singing is coming from the heart filled with feeling and passion. I would much rather listen to the latter. Likewise everything I do in life can either be meaningless words (even when well chosen) and lifeless actions (even when appearing noble or purposeful) or each can tell my story to the world.

3. Song selection is critical. You must choose the right song that showcases your talent. If you are an investor, you're going to direct your resources where you are most likely to see a healthy return. It is likewise important to recognize that I am not a cornucopia or bottomless well and my success and fulfillment in life dictate that I invest myself in efforts that will impact on drawing nearer to my destination.

Silence

In an appearance last Sunday on CBS "Face the Nation," Vice President Dick Cheney dismissed suggestions that the Bush White House was in need of a shake-up. "I don't think we can pay any attention to that kind of thing," Cheney said. "The president has got a job to do. ... He ignores the background noise that's out there in the polls that are taken on a daily basis."

I'll leave the discussion about politics, responsibility to the thoughts of the electorate and the question of accountability for the government's less than stellar performance to other bloggers who do it far better than I. What caught my attention instead in Cheney's remarks was the comment about ignoring "the background noise."

Everywhere I turn I am bombarded with noise. After accepting the 5:10 am alarm's disruption of the last remnants of a restful sleep, I surrender again to the call to turn over another 12 hours of life to the job that provides a roof over my head and food on the table. The morning commute is a wrestling match whereupon the latest audiobook mystery, whats going on in the world and precious silence vie for supremacy. Once at work, I really cherish the quiet stillness of that first hour in my office before the prisoners begin to assemble for their interview and classification.

I have a colleague who inevitably perches herself in my office each morning and revs her mouth to rob me of my silence. With a voice sounding like the cross between a manic Mickey Mouse and the fast talking guy on the old Fed Ex commercial, she eats up the entire hour in noisy chatter barely giving herself time to breathe or leaving me the opportunity to voice anything more than a couple of words here and there. I must carefully weigh the desire to offer my word or two knowing that to do so is likely to send her on another verbal expedition. If you recall the old Gilda Radner character Rosanne Rosanadana on Saturday Night Live then you know my colleague Deb and her daily assault on my quiet time.

Silence is so absolutely amazing. It is like the finest symphony. Attentively listen to the silence and you hear instrumentation, movements and voices that are not noise at all and together form the most beautiful composition possible - life itself! Oh if we would only consider for a moment everytime we would open our mouths if what we are about to say really adds to the beauty that is silence.

Goals and Wishes

Like an unfinished book that is still being written, there remain things I still want to accomplish both in and with my life. Of course as I grow older, I have to temper the idealism and passion of my youth with the realization that there aren't going to be as many open doors awaiting a soon-to-be 55 year old man as there are the current student immersed in his or her undergraduate studies. Although levels of opportunity differ, what unites all of us is the motivation to make our mark, to make a difference, to leave the world a better place for our having been here.

To reach beyond my current experience in an attempt to fulfill yet unrealized aspirations is to have goals. A goal is a vision for which I am capable of making choices that can bring its realization about.

Some people, however, hold aspirations or dream dreams but do not enjoy the capability of fulfilling them. These people may face limitations imposed by disability or illness that is either life threatening or life shortening. These are the stories that wrench the heart. For them, goals are wishes. They still want to make their mark or make a difference, but they depend on the love and passion of others to help them realize their dreams. These are the people that shows like Extreme Makeover Home Edition seek out to help. This is reality television at its finest.

While other television shows like Deal or No Deal remind us that we can be greedy, people whose goals can only be wishes requiring the help of others are uncomfortable asking for that assistance. So today I thought I would pose a question that focusses our attention beyond our own wants and desires:

"Who do you know of that you would nominate to benefit from the help of a show like Extreme Makeover Home Edition? What are their particular circumstances and needs?" Who knows, maybe there is somebody out there who reads this lowly blog with the resources to fulfill someone's wishes.

Unbelievably Strange

About a month ago one of the top ten emailed stories according to Yahoo was that of a man who sodomized Thelma in January of 2005. Apparently he had become a nuisance to the owner of a township farm. Fearing the man to be a stalker, she had to chase him off of her property when a herd of sheep alarmed her to the presence of the intruder. To the man's surprise, this woman also happened to be an off-duty police officer.

When a responding police officer surprised him as he stepped out from behind some trees behind the property, the man explained that he had gone into the woods to take a dump. The officer confronted him about his story, asking if he would find excrement if he were to take a K-9 back into the woods with his flashlight. The man, by now obviously growing uneasy, explained instead that he had stopped to pet the woman's sheep.

As the officer conducted his investigation, he noted that one of the sheep appeared particularly distressed. Unable to detect the presence of bodily fluids on the ground, a swab was taken of the animal's anal cavity and forensic testing later confirmed the presence of human sperm cells.

This man was sentenced to prison and ordered to register as a sex offender. Today he showed up for classification. He broke down in a colleague's office as, during the course of her interview, she reminded him that the blood of Jesus had taken care of his sin. The man tried to explain that he had been prescribed prozac and had no recollection of anything that took place on that cold evening in January of last year. He related how he had become so depressed over his situation that he overdosed on his prescribed medication.

Since his arrival at the reception center for processing, he has had to endure the sophomoric taunts of everyone around him mimicking the baaaaah's of sheep and a host of ewe-referenced jokes. Visit this online discussion to the story on the web and you'll begin to appreciate the carnival-like atmosphere surrounding this offender's presence in prison. Having served the maximum prison term on four prior incarcerations, I hunch he's going to find himself behind bars haunted by this nightmare not for the 2 1/2 year minimum, but for the 20 year maximum of his sentence.

In my view, the behavior of people (including corrections professionals) in reaction to this man's presence is reminiscent of a couple of prepubescent boys thumbing through the pages of a dictionary to find and laugh at dirty words. Sigh. We humans are a strange sort indeed.

Love Versus "The" Love

Mike Szydlo (homer 3132) poses a couple of heartfelt questions in his blog yesterday. We seek a love the spirit of which is captured so beautifully and hopefully in verse, song and prose. I find it puzzling that something so remarkably clear and desirous to most could be so difficult, even impossible, to attain. It makes no sense to me why love relationships, something that is supposedly so wonderful and to which most aspire, would be so hard and such demanding work, often times to the brink of and beyond the spirit's breaking point.

Is it even possible to find a partner, a soulmate, who would truly love us for who and what we are and be loved by us for the same? What happens when we let our need for love or the fear of loneliness lead us to settle for anything less? There are a lot of people out there in relationships who still feel unloved or find themselves lonely most of the time. Why do we hold out hope to find something that so readily eludes us? Other than to promote a socially acceptable context by which humanity procreates to perpetuate itself, is there any other viable reason to institutionalize any relationship? Does marriage in practice exist to license or sanction exclusive sex rights with so many, including those who would assert personal moral virtue or righteousness, breaking that sacred trust by infidelity? You certainly don't have to marry someone to enjoy their friendship or company.

In the end I think the difficulty rests in our equating "love" with the one true love in life that our instinct leads us to seek. As a celibate Roman Catholic priest, my life was filled with love. There has been no other time in my life when I was happier, when I felt better about who I was or what I was doing. My life was surrounded by people in meaningful ways from the time I woke up until the time I retired for the night. Yet instead of treasure all that I had to be thankful for, I listened to the loneliness that would gnaw at me an hour or two each night before bed. I had a life of "love," but instead gave it up in a futile search to find "the" love. Only now looking back do I realize that I had what I was looking for all along.

And so to my friend Mike and anyone else who would struggle with the questions he poses in his blog, I say focus your life not on the quest for "the" love but instead build your life around "love" and you will find what you are looking for.

Fear No Factors

Each week Joe Rogan pushes contestants to reach beyond their physical limits and challenges them to either consume or commune with the most disgusting of things to determine for whom fear is a factor.

As our lives unfold, many factors contribute to who or what we eventually become or what becomes of us. Some are the consequences of the choices we make ranging from the most careful, informed and conscientious to the most flippant, haphazard or impulsive. But there are other factors over which we exercise little or no control, among them the temperament of our given social and cultural structures, the conditions of our surroundings and the makeup of our environment, limitations in resources, the unpredictability of nature and genetic predispositions. There's also an intangible factor that determines why a set of like circumstances will prove devastating to one and an insignificant inconvenience to another with the randomness shown by a midwestern twister.

The truth is life does not unfold on a level playing field. So what, then, are we facing: divine predetermination or design of which faith demands our acceptance or a divine call to abide by a social contract whereby we look out for one another and equitably provide for all based on need rather than want?

Naturally Unnatural

When I'm born, I enter the world naked, no possessions and utterly dependent on others to care for and feed me. As a priest and pastor, it has amazed me how often the same lot accompanies one's passing from this life. A broken, failing body unable to sustain its own life, often dependent on family or nursing care, no longer able to eat or even drink faces an end where no earthly possession will matter for it must all be left behind.

Doesn't it seem strange then that we bring such an urgency to every breath we take in between that it defy this natural pattern of poverty and dependence? In setting out on such a journey is our life not spent like fish continuously swimming against the stream? With lives characterized by such innate discord and disharmony with the natural order, is it any wonder we so frequently find ourselves broken or troubled?

Creation Distractions

In the beginning...

Thus begins the Old Testament. There were no eyewitnesses to creation, no author who committed the event to writing as a reporter would write his story for the evening news. What we have in the opening lines of Genesis is the spiritual reflection of a believing people whose lives were wrapped in an intimate relationship with a God who called this people his own. They sought to understand both their history and their experience in light of that relationship.

The remarkable thing about a spiritual reflection on the beginnings isn't that a created realm unfolded. It is that there was a beginning void of anything that would distract from the Creator himself. Today our hunger to find, know and understand God reflects on discovering how God's hands have intimately touched everything both in and about us. We see God stooping over the earth and with his hands continuously fashioning a world and moving us about on it as a young child might build roads in the dirt on which he propels his diecast cars on imagined journeys.

But God isn't the created world or the drama that plays out upon it each day. These in fact have become distractions that prevent us from drawing intimately into the presence of God, from resting and renewing ourselves in the very presence of the holy. The search for God must take us away from the things of life, the stuff of our existence, and direct us instead back to the beginning into the void and emptiness where God is God.

Copyright 2006 Don Neale, Jr.
All rights reserved.

After Thoughts

After a very busy past couple of days, tonight I welcome the quiet. I am sure my own experience is quite different from that of my deceased sister-in-law's husband and their 14 year old son. It is hard to witness such personal grief and not, at least for a passing moment, picture youself touched by the same misfortune; me lying in that casket, or my wife, or my child.
If death itself were not enough, it is tragic to see the in-fighting among family members trying to advance theirselves as the definitive voice of the deceased's wishes. Perhaps my sister-in-law anticipated the difficulties when she chose prior to her death to prearrange her own funeral. I spoke with the owner of the funeral home. He indicated that many recognize and talk about the importance of prearrangement following the death of a loved one, but 90% will never follow through.

My mother-in-law, already burdened beyond measure by the death of her daughter (Afterall, age doesn't really matter, does it? It seems nature is disordered in some way when a parent must bury a child.), was further anguished by her belief that Teresa experienced, as she put it, "a horrible death." I tried with the last post to reframe what she saw in the hope she could remember what took place with a degree of peace from a more comforting perspective.

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

The Moment of Death

My time to be here nears its end. I have faced trials, hardship and disease and have fought a good, hard fight and given my all. I have endured pain and suffering beyond imagination. But no matter how brave, how noble, how determined, in the end it is not up to me to determine how long will be this season called life.

I know the end is near. I'm scared. My departure is like walking down a darkened street alone. I am saddened. I have no choice but to let go of loved ones, friends, interests, hobbies, treasured moments, my as yet unfulfilled dreams. I am hopeful that when I breathe my last the lights don't go out for good, that something of me remains and continues, that my life and my time here has made a difference, that things are not what they would have been had I never been here. I can only hope that what awaits me is even more beautiful, more satisfying, more fulfilling, more free.

Why must death be so final and total? Is it because I cannot enter into what lies ahead with any ties to where I came from? Or is it because this life, this season must relinquish its hold on me so that who and what I am can truly be free and set out to discover its ever deeper destiny?

My eyes are open and I can see what is going on around me, loved ones touching me, holding me and speaking their love to me. I see their tears. Although my imminent death's finality makes it a sad occasion, they have gathered to send me off. Even though they do not want to let go they are wishing me well. They are giving to me that part of them that I touched to take with me on my journey.

But my vision grows dim and what I see before me blurs, beyond that I begin to see images I had not noticed before. I cannot see it clearly, but it is more beautiful than the most spectacular sunrise or sunset I have ever seen. Beyond the desperation and frustration and turmoil of those immediately about me there is a stillness, a softness, a calm that I find myself drawn toward. I hear a song that I have heard before, not on any radio but the faint whisper of a tune that has played before from within. It is such a beautiful song, so soothing. It lifts something deep within me and frees me from the grips of my pain and suffering.

My breathing has become more difficult, more desperate, more labored and those about me are concerned, but it causes me no discomfort and I'm not afraid of suffocating. As my breaths diminsh, the vision beyond draws nearer and I find more and more of me lifted into its soft presence. Unexplainedly I have begun to leave my body and am being welcomed into a new home in the warm, comforting and inviting light. My body can no longer swallow, or is it perhaps because I no longer am conscious of the need to swallow or any other need for that matter? My breaths, now fewer and farther between, pass through fluids that build up in my throat creating an eerie rattle that alarms those around me. As if in desperation they draw closer to me, frustrated that there is nothing they can do now to save me. I wish I could assure them that I am not hurting like I used to, I am not in discomfort. Although I cannot quite focus on what my eyes see opening up before me just beyond those who still attend to my broken, failing body, it undeniably draws me closer. Where in the past I usually feared the unknown, I find nothing at all alarming about what I see. If this is death, it does not approach as one watches a storm draw near in the midst of an ominous sky.

Rare in life was the depth of comfort and peace that now embraces me. In a lifetime of falling asleep, I was used to closing my eyes and entering into a world of darkness. But now I find myself falling asleep not in darkness, but in the most beautiful and serene light I could ever imagine. The peace I now feel within me allows me to be restful in a way my pain and suffering would never allow. I am growing sleepy now, but I no longer fear not waking up. Something inside me knows and accepts that when I do I will not open my eyes to see my loved ones, my home or my life again, not in the same way.

As I grow more and more sleepy and find myself nodding into sleep, I feel myself lifted fully into the light now. Below me a nurse listens intently to my chest shaking her head no when she no longer detects a heartbeat or breathing. She steps aside and tells my family they only have 2 or 3 more minutes. One by one my family approachs my lifeless body to plant one last kiss, to share one last word.

Thank you for your love and your words, my beloved ones! I too love you, but I am no longer inside the body you cling to. I am up here watching over you. It is going to be okay. I feel free now. I am still here but am not bound by the limits of that broken, lifeless body you mourn. My spirit soars as if with wings and I am eager and excited to see what awaits me. But for now I must rest, entering one last sleep. I am not afraid. I am alive!

Copyright 2006 Don Neale, Jr.
All rights reserved.

GOD Speaks

"I know how hard it is in these times to have faith, but maybe if you could have the faith to start with, maybe the times would change. You could change them. Think about it. Try. And try not to hurt each other. There's been enough of that, and it really gets in the way. No matter how hopeless, helpless, mixed up and scary it all gets, it can work. If you find it hard to believe in me, maybe it would help you to know I believe in you."
- George Burns as GOD on the stand in defense of Jerry Landers

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Jury Duty

Heeding the taped telephone instructions given a day earlier for Jury Panel "D" as in Donald to report to the Jury Assembly Room at 8:15 am, I first treasured the extra hour and a half of sleep that exercising my civic duty afforded me. Always fearful of having to park a mile away or finding myself without a chair to sit in, I planned to arrive 45 minutes early, a strategy that enabled me to secure a prime parking space I had no intention of relinquishing should my day extend beyond lunch. By 5 minutes to 8:00, I passed through the metal detectors having grown well acquainted with their idiosyncracies in over ten years of working in a state prison. I passed by a woman who expressed surprise that her cell phone was not permitted in the courtroom and boarded the elevator bound for the 4th floor where I joined a growing legion of prospective jurors holding up the walls because the Assembly Room doors had not been unlocked.

As I looked over those gathered by random selection from drivers licenses and state picture IDs, I expected to see a snapshot of the community in which I reside. To my surprise men outnumbered women 2-to-1 and minorities were disproprtionately few in number (5 or 6 out of a pool of 80-90), an observation that stood out given that better than half of the offenders I classify in prison are other than white. I would think about this often as I listened to the presiding Circuit Court Judge espouse the value of fair and impartial and a jury of one's peers during the jury selection process that came later that morning.

Five minutes late, the doors to the Assembly Room finally opened from within reminiscent of the doors opening to the castle of the Wizard of Oz in the Emerald City. Emerging to greet us was Juror Coordinator and Deputy Court Clerk Betty, a short dignified woman who appeared to be in her late 40's or early 50's. After splitting us into two groups by panel letter, we were instructed to file past a desk and announce to her our name and round trip mileage. Once all had checked in and were seated, Clerk Betty invited us to partake of the coffee and water in the back of the room which she jokingly observed was "on us," the tax payer. Orientation consisted of a 20 minute video presentation hosted by ABC News legal correspondent Tim O'Brien on the role of the juror in our justice system. Following the video was an additional 5 minute clip of Clerk Betty reading to us the nuts and bolts of jury service afterwhich she previewed for us what was to follow by asking if anyone would have difficulty serving as a juror on a trial that could last over a week. Armed with renewed appreciation for the value of my service, we were marched into the courtroom where jury selection began for a day care provider charged with manslaughter in the death of a 12 week old infant while under her care.

Clerk Betty also made the point during her presentation of the savings of tax dollars whenever the mere thought of jurors assembled and waiting in the wings could itself bring parties together to reach agreement without a trial. On the surface such a claim sounds both reasonable and appealing but I am often struck working in a prison how many are committed to Corrections to serve a sentence who are non-assaultive and pose minimal risk to the community. Might more tax dollars be saved if, instead of pressuring offenders to accept pleas that may look good on the resume of a prosecutor seeking re-election, we keep such offenders in the community and on their jobs paying taxes instead of incurring the $27,000 a year it costs to house them in prison?

Because my county uses a unified jury system, one pool is available should there be a need in probate, family, district or circuit court. Following a long selection process that extended into the afternoon, I was not seated among the 14 jurors selected for the present trial. Excused for the day, I must now wait until after 5pm to place a call to see if I'll get that extra sleep and be back in the morning or if I'll be headed for another day of work.

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Dying & the End of Life

My sister-in-law came home this afternoon. Bethesda Regional Cancer Treatment Center in Illinois told her there was nothing more they could do for her. They recommended the family contact Hospice. Having held her own against stage four cancer for over 18 months, her vital organs have begun to shut down and, perhaps most telling, she is no longer able to eat or drink. She quit sucking on ice chips a couple of days ago. As bleak as the situation may seem, she has still not given up the fight. She refuses to bring hospice into the picture because in her mind to do so represents giving up. Knowing her resolve, I have no doubt she will fight to live even with her last breath.

I've reflected here before that I see our existence as divine and eternal, without beginning or end, and that this life as we know it is but a single season of our being. I do not fear death and, if a diagnosis afforded me advance knowledge of my imminent end, I would perch myself in a chair overlooking one of the Great Lakes or an ocean beach or the Gulf. There I would cherish every last breath beholding as many sunrises and sunsets as I can against the backdrop of the awesome vastness and beauty of creation. Perhaps my affinity toward the water is a soulful attempt to exit life by returning to the waters of the womb from which I came into the world. This is more appealing to me, more spiritual, more meaningful than carrying either the weight of a fight to the end or departing emotionally numbed by medication to ease the pain and suffering.

I personally do not picture the next season, the afterlife, heaven or whatever you wish to call it as sitting on a cloud in a white robe with harp in hand singing alleluia. My gut hunch is that the kind of images of a heaven that people espouse or embrace have more to do with illusion and the ego's resolve to hold on to any semblence of life as we have known it. But of a continuance of being, I have no doubt.

I'm curious what folks here think or feel about the end of life. What about our spirit or soul or the essence of our being, whatever name you wish to give it? Would a valiant fight to remain alive to the end release a burdened spirit or soul or would the spirit or soul be rewarded by some elevated existence in the season that is to follow this life? Would there be any benefit to going out as I have described, filled with an appreciation of all that this life has given yet departing not in a fight but in peace?

Copyright 2006 Don Neale, Jr.
All rights reserved.

On Spirituality

It was interesting reading over your responses to the questions on my spirituality survey. Now I have to keep in mind that these responses come from readers who are drawn to this blog and what I might have to say. In that respect, this exercise is more a mirror image of my own perspective on spirituality than it is a snapshot of the world's "spiritual beings having a human experience" as Wayne Dyer likes to put it. Still I think the effort has something to offer to us.

The purpose of spirituality appears to unfold along three different paths. The first is to guide our search to discover meaning and purpose and, ultimately, enlightenment. A second path is to nurture a relationship with the divine, one capable of redeeming us or effecting our salvation. While the first two paths appear focused primarily on the self the third path is an other-centered, outward movement that seeks to reconcile the self with creation, building community and promoting harmony.

This follows our very view of God as the divine that is found somewhere deep within us. We also want to believe that God is intimately involved in every aspect of our life and somehow keeps watch over us. Despite the need of the self to intimately touch and be touched by the divine, we also recognize there is an experience of God that manifests itself only when people are able to set aside their differences and come together.

While our perspective on God and our understanding of the purpose of spirituality seems first related to the self, I find it interesting that, when considering what might please God the most, we tend to focus on the other. God is pleased when we break down the barriers that divide us and look out for the most vulnerable in our midst. Only to a lesser degree do we return to the self and acknowledge that God might also find pleasing a spiritual hunger for truth and a desire for peace and enlightenment.

Finally, I find it interesting how strongly we appear to agree that God is not bound by the pages of any book, that God spoke in history but continues to speak to us today. Simply stated, our relationship with God isn't limited to a past but has a present that is alive and vital. God does speak to us today and the readers of this xanga are poised to listen!

Measuring Spirituality

I don't know about the weather in your parts, but here in Michigan January has seen just about everything from sunshine and temps in the mid 60's (the kind of happening that makes you begin to wonder if this is the beginning of the end or something) to heavy snowfall and sub zero temps. There are all kinds of instruments for predicting, measuring and monitoring the weather. Wouldn't it be cool if there were devices that could measure our spiritual experience? Unfortunately, I know of no such devices other than to ask questions and get your feedback. So I tried to come up with a few challenging questions that attempt to measure spirituality, at least the views of those who read gentlefootprint. I look forward to seeing if there is a wide range of spiritual experience or if there are some clear patterns. Thanks in advance for giving these questions your consideration!

1. Which statement best describes your thoughts about God's word?
a. God spoke definitively in history and that message has been recorded in scripture
b. God has spoken in time but continues to speak
c. God's message to us today or in the future is of more importance than anything said in scripture
d. the answer to any question, issue or dilemma humanity will ever face now or in the future can be found in scripture
e. the scriptures are intended to be followed literally
f. God speaking to us cannot be bound by the pages of any book

2. How do you see God?
a. always "out there", "up there", beyond your reach
b. always watching over you, protecting you
c. found somewhere deep within you
d. always around but not engaged in your ordinary affairs
e. intimately involved in every aspect of your life
f. the CEO of creation
g. found when people set aside their differences and come together

3. What do you think God finds most pleasing?
a. a life of humble service
b. evangelizing to bring others to God
c. leading a life of holiness and piety
d. faithful attendance at church or temple
e. witnessing to others during the ordinary course of your day
f. spiritual hunger and pursuit of truth
g. obeying religious laws and precepts
h. breaking down barriers that divide people
i. adhering to the dictates of scripture
j. finding personal peace or enlightenment
k. staunchly defending one's faith
l. loving the most vulnerable among us

4. What do you think is the primary purpose of spirituality?
a. redemption or salvation
b. reconciliation with creation
c. inner peace
d. relationship with the divine
e. enlightenment
f. meaning and purpose
g. community

5. Where do you find your greatest source of inspiration in your spiritual life?
a. a church or temple
b. religious tradition
c. scriptures
d. a personal relationship with God
e. liturgy, sacraments or ritual
f. prayer, contemplation or meditation
g. spiritual reading or study
h. impersonal relationships like blogger friends
i. being a member of a spiritual community