Abuse, Betrayal of Trust & Learning to Live Again

When my trust has been betrayed, I am likely to find myself resistant to ever trusting again. This can only result in the rest of life being lived out in fear... which is really not living at all. So how do I get beyond past betrayals so that I can begin to trust again?

One of the points that TV's Dr. Phil often makes is that at any given moment in my life, I do (or have done) what I can (or could) within the limits of my knowledge and experience at the time. It is not my fault if my trust has been betrayed and I have found myself hurt, abused or taken advantage of. Regardless of how devastating the hurt or abuse may have been, there is a sense in which what has happened expands my knowledge and experience and empowers me so I am not as susceptible to abuse or my trust being betrayed in the future.

This means that instead of living in debilitating fear that what happened in the past could happen again, I can instead approach life with some degree of confidence knowing that I am smarter and more aware and that leaves me safer and more secure. I don't need to be afraid of lurking ghosts or the shadows from a dark past because my knowledge and experience will allow me to recognize situations or circumstances where I may find myself vulnerable to being hurt or abused.

Perhaps there is also an underlying sense of shame that my abuse has left me tarnished in some way. This may leave me feeling unworthy of living again, of loving and being loved, of deserving good fortune, success or happiness. The one thing I have in common with all, however, is that we are broken souls, damaged goods. It is simply not possible to walk through life unscathed. Circumstances and experiences abound that leave us bruised and scarred. Yet at the same time I have been redeemed. I have value and purpose that no person or thing can ever take away.

So go forth to live and love. You are not bound or fettered by past experiences of abuse. There is no reason to shroud yourself in fear. Rise up and greet the new dawn!

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Your Relationship With GOD

MY RESPONSES (AS I ANSWER) WILL BE IN ITALICS

1. Write down in one or two sentences your own definition, feeling and experience of God.
God is the source, center and summit of all life.

2. Which of the following words fit your conception, feeling and/or experience of God.

Father Mother Friend
Protector Beloved Ruler
Judge Spirit Intelligence
Energy Creator Forgiveness
Love Merciful Punishment
Helper Provider Transcendent
Within Above Presence
Kind Fierce All-knowing
Participant Uninvolved Almighty

3. What role does God play (or not play) in your life?
God is a centering force in my life, the One who keeps me focussed on what really matters in life, who makes it possible for me to experience peace, acceptance, love when I am living in harmony with him

4. If you could ask only three questions of God, what would they be?
I'll just focus on trusting instead of asking questions...

5. If you could have God fulfill three specific wishes or requests, what would they be?
I believe that God empowers us to fulfill our own wishes and dreams (even the noblest amd most unselfish of wishes), but it is always up to us to do the work.

6. To identify the ways in which you most need to make peace with God, answer yes or no to the following questions:

* Do you feel you have turned away from God - or that God has turned away from you? At times, but whenever I have found myself wandering off on my own, I am soon reminded of who and what really does matter...

* Do you ever feel unworthy of receiving God's love? No

* Do you sometimes get angry at God? No, I get angry with myself

* Do you ever doubt God's existence? No, but sometime's I wonder whether G-O-O-D exists

* Do you ever feel afraid of God's wrath? No

* Do you ever wonder why God allows evil and suffering to exist? No, God doesn't allow it... humanity does

* Are your spiritual beliefs in conflict with those of your family or your religious heritage? No

* Do you yearn to experience - or reexperience - God's presence? Always

7. Examine Your Spiritual History.

* How would you characterize the way your parents or step-parents felt about God? Probably a blend of hope, faith and superstition

* What did they teach you, explicitly and implicitly, about spirituality? That always at the center of spirituality is love

* In what ways, if any, was your spirituality affected by other family members, e.g. uncles, aunts, siblings, grandparents? It wasn't

* Was God a source of love and joy? Yes

* Was God used to intimidate or shame you, or make you feel sinful or unworthy? No

* What influence, if any, did specific clergy have on your developing attitudes toward God and religion? All the difference in the world. John Grathwohl became my mentor and led me on a path leading to ordination

* Were religious occasions a pleasant, rich experience, or did you resent having to take part? After my conversion, pleasant and rich

* How has your attitude toward God changed in adulthood? It has evolved from what I needed or hoped God to be to acceptance of who and what God is

* Have you come to question any of your early beliefs? Reject them? Disdain them? No

* What were the turning points in your religious or spiritual development? Conversion, ordination, marriage, children, marriage breakup

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

In Defense Of Marriage & Family - An Editorial

My editorial today is intended more as a spiritual reflection than a political statement. In my view, belief in and faithfulness to God is conscientiously, prayerfully and faithfully living a life in harmony with a seamless array of divinely inspired and ordained values and principles. No political party fully embraces "the things of God" or "the ways of God" and therefore neither are deserving of a vote as the champion of faith. What angers me are those politicians, in this case those in the Republican Party, who openly court as their base a people trying hard to lead faith-filled lives by portraying themselves as their champion... and that "base" blindly and uncritically following these pipers even though the tune they play is wrought with so many contradictions to the very kind of life they are trying faithfully to lead. It is my hope that this editorial stirs people to question these highly suspect, Pharisaic motions and to begin to hold such politicians to higher standards of accountability.

Listening to the news on the radio on the way in to work this morning, I felt heartened that the President and GOP incumbents in the US Senate are focusing on the one issue of major consequence facing the American people today. My marriage has never felt so defended.

Afterall, marriage has been and is under assault. Unless you are born into privilege, it's going to take daddy and mommy each working one or more jobs to meet the financial demands of family. Ever rising gas prices will require finding yet another job in order to put gas in the car for the commute to and from those jobs. But that's okay. All those Americans holding down all those jobs makes for great statistics to run for reelection on - having created all those new jobs and putting America back to work.

And while mommy and daddy are both off to work, thanks to financially strapped school districts and communities inability to provide structured and safe educational and recreational opportunities for youth, the kids have all kinds of time to go home and log onto MySpace to place those personal ads that predators find so enticing. Or maybe they'll take to the street with hats turned and pant legs pegged to the people's left or folk's right for the sense of family that does not exist under their own roof, to the streets where gang-related crime runs rampant because law enforcement too lacks adequate funding so that we can continue to fund all those tax breaks to "keep stimulating the economy."

And if anyone in the family should face serious illness, adequate health care is fast becoming less and less accessible. But have no fear, for our leaders have also rewritten bankruptcy laws in such a way that surely lenders will be more than happy to front you money for which you will spend the remainder of your life in debt trying to repay.

And these reflections don't even begin to look at the kind of America we have and are creating for the least among us (does Matthew 25 matter anyway?).

Excluding gays from the institution of marriage will have a much more profound and lasting influence on strengthening marriage and family than would requiring the love struck from entering into it much more slowly and only after solid preparation. It is much more cost effective to judge or bash homosexuals than it is to give couples real tools to manage the myriad of bumps that make marriage so difficult.

Hats off to Karl Rove. The man's a political genius. He is so adept at knowing how and when to dangle just the right emotionally charged carrot to propel his army to elected posts where they hold the power to pursue whatever their real agenda is. But champion of Marriage and Family? Look again evangelical Christians, and beware.

My question is simple: When will that evangelical conservative base, who is so quick to bite at such political tactics, see through it all and start to hold these people accountable for talking out of both sides of their mouth?

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Pentecost Sunday

Pentecost Sunday. God sharing the animating gift of his spirit, a spirit that was evident over the waters of the abyss at creation and became the very life-breath of humankind. A powerful spirit that transforms us from timidity and apathy to confidence and courage. A spirit that challenges yet comforts and consoles. A spirit that can lead to all truth. For all who seek to "connect with their source," God has made that task easy by living in the Spirit!

From time-to-time we are privileged to know persons whose lives are animated by the Spirit of God. One such person for me celebrates today the 50th Anniversary of his Ordination to the Priesthood. I have written of Jim Barrett here before. It is almost unfathomable how many lives have been touched by Jim in 50 years of ministry. For every person he is aware of having touched there will be several that will remain unknown to him, but touched and touched deeply nonetheless. And that is the way of God's Spirit.

Jim, I was privileged to have begun my own priestly ministry as an intern standing at your side. Our two years together have left me with a lifetime of memories. I cherish your friendship. Congratulations and Godspeed!

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

A Kid's Eye View - Part Two

Teen Heads To Prison For Mom's Stabbing Death
Son Claims He Was On 'Mission For God'

PONTIAC, Mich. -- A Rochester Hills teenager who admitted stabbing his mother to death was sentenced Monday to 25 to 37 ½ years in prison.

As part of a plea agreement, Christopher Dankovich, 16, pleaded guilty to second-degree murder in the April 24, 2005, death of his mother, Diane Michele Dankovich.

"I don't know what else to say to you," Oakland County Circuit Judge John J. McDonald said in court. "You're a young man, and I feel very sorry for you. I hope you get the help you need."

Christopher Dankovich was 15 when his mother was slain in the family's home. He was arrested at his family's cabin in St. Helen, more than 100 miles north of Rochester Hills.

Authorities have said that Dankovich killed his mother after she confronted him about using the Internet to look at pornography and learn how to make weapons.

Dankovich had withdrawn an earlier guilty plea after McDonald rejected a sentencing deal made between his attorney and the prosecutor. McDonald had said then that he could not agree to a 22 ½- to 34-year prison term for Dankovich, who authorities said stabbed his mother 111 times.

At a hearing last week on Dankovich's mental condition, a psychologist testified that the teen believed he was on "mission for God" to kill people who were threatening children, and the intended targets included pornographers, abortion doctors and U.S. Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., a former presidential candidate.

Because of his age, reception center processing is expedited to get him to a facility that can address his personal safety in a predatory environment as well as begin to meet his programming needs. I interviewed him this morning to complete his classification and take him one step closer to transfer.

This story has tragedy written all over it. This kid was just that... looking more like 13 than 16, he struck me not as a distant psychopathic killer but as a kid in shock, scared and overwhelmed. What he did was absolutely horrendous, yet nothing happens in a vacuum. I often wonder what pieces, what circumstances, what life events fall into place to trigger such an unfortunate episode... not to find excuses, but to understand.

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

A Kid's Eye View

***WARNING*** Contains graphic references...

Today I ran across the following statement from a 16 year old boy whose high school principal called one of their "invisible kids," having presented "no behavioral, attendance or grade issues to be on anyone's radar." I will put this in context later, but share it here, in segments, for the purpose of discussion, which could go in a number of directions. Does this stir anyone's thoughts like it did my own?

"When I was fourteen, I started reading the Bible a lot, I had some questions about Why Am I Here? What Is My Purpose? And the more I read the Bible, it made sense to me and a lot of things became clear.

My interest in abortion started when my little sister was born and I held her in my arms, it hit me-How can people kill these children? She was the same to me outside of the womb as she was inside, a little, innocent child, dependant on us all for her survival, and I couldn't understand how these doctors could do that.

I started studying anti-abortion on the internet and at the same time I was interested in the military. My friend and I agreed that after graduation, we were going to go into the Marines. I became interested in making guns and learning how to make pipe bombs.

I studied the abortion issue for the past two years and developed a list of doctors that I planned to kill-in order to save who knows how many children's lives. I did not look at killing abortion doctors as murder-I looked at it as stopping them from murdering little, innocent children. I saved the list and several related files on my computer.

I also wanted to stop pedophiles, and needed to find out who the BIG people were in the industry, so that I could stop them too. That's why I downloaded and looked at those child pornography sites, to find out who these people were-I am totally against harming children in any way.

The more I read the Bible, the more I realized that I was a Soldier of God and that it was my purpose to save these children, and I was prepared to go to prison for the rest of my life or die for that cause. Every day and year that I wait, more children would die and I felt that if I got caught after I stopped the first one and went to prison forever, it would be worth it, knowing that I saved the lives of other children.

I also became worried that John Kerry may be elected and because of his stand on the Right To Life issue, I also planned to kill him too, if he became elected. I studied these things, but I wasn't on my computer all day or anything, I don't think I was obsessed with it."

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Emotional Healing

One of the reasons I stopped watching shows like Dr. Phil is because they reduce problem solving to following the 2 or 3 easy steps that make up their latest "strategy." While I do not doubt the merit of their intentions, problems aren't always easily categorized. Life is often times complicated and messy. It is never "one size fits all." What may work to resolve issues for a majority of people may not work for me.

It is essential that I never stop believing in myself. No matter how heavy the weight I carry on my shoulders, how troubling the burden, I cannot focus on it without also recognizing that at that very moment I am carrying it! Probably the most important lesson in life I have ever learned is that I am a survivor. No matter how scarey or hopeless or overwhelming or troubling the life circumstances I face, there will eventually come a time when I can look back and say I overcame the obstacles.

Like broken bones, emotional brokeness can take a long, long time to mend. Sometimes there are setbacks. Once in a while a broken bone may even need to be reset in order to heal properly. Feelings are far more fragile than bones. There aren't "casts" or "slings" or "crutches" that I can put on my broken feelings or the scars on my spirit.

Probably more important in the healing process than listening to the most well-intended advice of others is to keep talking about my suffering. Emotional healing is kind of like a foul-smelling room. I have to clean things up and open the windows to get rid of the odor before the room will be clean and fresh again. Talking through my pain and suffering opens the windows and cleans my insides getting rid of the effects of the dark times in my life. When I get cut, I bleed. The bleeding is what cleans the wound and paves the way for the cut to heal. Crying is the way my feelings bleed. It's okay to cry until I can't cry any more.

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Called

Prior to entering the seminary and throughout the course of my studies for the priesthood, my focus was that of discernment, of listening intently for God's voice and trying to determine to what that voice was calling me and where that voice was leading me. The lifestyle of a seminarian allowed me to filter out much of the noise and clutter that bring daily distractions preventing God's voice from being heard. I found that as long as I remained intimately connected to that voice life's journey was never void of meaning and purpose.

Discernment never stops. That voice continues to call me in ever new and often times unexpected ways. Gone are the days when I enjoyed a lifestyle that filtered out the distractions. Now I must listen intently for the voice amidst the day-to-day chaos that is life.

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Values - Part 3

So we face the reality that people in partnerships or community experience problems because of a disparity of values. We acknowledge that we are dealing with the reality that to hold something as a value presupposes its non-negotiable status and that no value can be applied universally. This is the stuff that has and continues to fuel discord between peoples and nations. It appears we stand in the face of an unresolvable problem.

Certainly God could solve the dilemma with a single brush stroke by doing away with free will and imposing universal divine values as a condition for the gift of life. But that is not God's way of doing business with us. As beings who reflect God's image and likeness, he has given us the capability of either uniting together under a set of commonly held values or to self-destruct in their absence. We seem to be doing a better job of the latter.

I believe that a big part of the problem is that most people fail to reflect on what they value. Too much of life is spent neither aware of nor in harmony with our values. Instead we blindly follow after our urges and impulses, mistaking them for values.

There is a simple, grassroots solution. In homes all over the world families need to prayerfully reflect on and name the values that identify them. Conscious and conscientious effort on the part of all family members to find ways to live out their values should become an integral part of the daily routine. We need to transform our busy body character so that rather than doing much, we do what we do well. Once this framework is in place, then people entering into partnerships (relationships) and community will begin to recognize that the same values drive us all.

What values identify you and your family? How do the individual members of your family embody these values in their day-to-day activities?

Values - Part 2

While values may exist that arguably could be applied to various groups or communities of people (as is the case in some religions, governments, cults or gangs), none appear to be truly universal. Values are essentially determined by the individual based upon whatever perceptive criteria the person has decided, freely or otherwise, to embrace.

Aren't all differences between religions, governments or partners in relationships ultimately an expression of incongruous values? This fact emphasizes how essential the need is to blend or bridge values as a means of bringing peoples together and restoring hope.

How to go about that task poses a conundrum. Something does not become a value unless the willingness to compromise it is removed from the table. How, no, can this problem be solved?

Values

If your life unexpectedly ended this very moment, how would you feel about the life you left behind? Would you be able to look back without regret saying that you enjoyed a happy life, that you did the things that were important to you, that you had the opportunities you needed to love and be loved? Could you say you had the chance to fulfill some of your dreams, that your being here made a difference, that you are leaving behind something of you that will live on?

Prayerfully considering these questions brings us in touch with what we most value. Values may change as we progress through life. A young adult setting out to claim the rest of her life following school may value investments to build equity and lead to financial security. The thirysomething person caught in what is perceived as a deadend job may be willing to risk security to pursue changes that heighten the potential for career success or fulfillment while opportunities and options are still available to him. The fiftysomething or older person who recognizes that more days lie in her wake than lay before her, that realize that no material possession will be of use when life reaches its end, will instead treasure memories and value experiences.

Making the most of the present moment is not possible without knowing what it is we most value. Where are your values? Have they changed as your life has progressed? Can you think of an instance where knowing what you value helped you to make a wise life choice?

Crying - Part 4

So crying is the purest, most authentic human spiritual experience. Some people are more comfortable with crying than others are. Because crying represents the moment where the limits of human potential or capability are reached and the divine must take over, the ego's need to be in control will not permit such surrender for some. These people are driven by the illusory desire to be the masters of their own destiny. Conventional wisdom and spiritual maturity both teach how deceptive and fruitless such a view can be.

Although my focus has been on crying associated with brokenness or despair, they are not the exclusive domain of our cries. Another moment in the crying of the soul is gratitude. My beloved's acceptance of a marriage proposal, the birth of a child, the unconditional love that animates a family member's comforting hug, the hope and promise of a spectacular sunrise or the utter splendor of a breath taking sunset, the elation over unexpected good fortune - these can all become the occasion for the soul's giving voice to gratitude through our tears.

Can you think of a moment in your own life where your crying were tears of gratitude?

Crying - Part 3

How do we respond to the cries of others? If God hears our crying, do we hear the cries of each other? We may look at someone crying and think to ourselves they are being too self-absorbed. They are playing the victim.

"We cannot change what happens to us but we can change how we choose to perceive it or let it affect us," we say. But is this really a healthy approach or just a convenient way for the non-victim to turn a deaf ear to their cries, to not have to deal with the victim's pain or suffering? There are many who continue to cry long after being victimized for no other reason than they lacked a safe, loving and supportive place in which to cry.

Most would see it as absurd to forego any medical intervention for our serious physical ills. In order to heal physically, we must listen to and feel what our body is telling us and respond with appropriate treatment. Changing the way we face physical illness may help us cope, but alone will not heal. Yet we continue to approach emotional difficulties as if they are guided by a different set of principles.

We cannot get over anything when, out of guilt that we have played the victim card too long , we bury our hurt deep within us. It doesn't go away. If instead of having our cry and having our cries heard we have buried our pain or suffering, it will resurface in maladaptive ways. We need to cry and have our cries heard in order to experience their renewing, healing benefits.

Crying - con't

Boys aren't supposed to cry. So goes an unwritten rule that is enforced in many a household. President Ronald Reagan, the Gipper known for his John Wayne personna, began a slow cultural shift in the 1980s when he showed that it was okay for a grown man to cry in public.

When we exert ourselves physically, sweat is produced which cools the body's temperature down. Perhaps similarly when the soul cries, tears are produced which also possess a refreshing quality. In the throws of despair, a cry from the soul brings forth a deep, inward peace.

Though it may sound strange, there is more than one way to cry. I was blown away by a counselor's insight a few years back that in my frequent laughter she felt I was really crying. Her observation had a poignancy to it for at the time, despite any outward appearance, I was indeed quite inwardly broken by many things going on in my life. Perhaps that is why we can claim that God hears our cries for there is no way to mask them.

Crying

Out of the depths I cry unto you, O Lord.
O Lord, hear my prayer and let my cry come unto you.

Perhaps there is no purer spiritual experience than that of crying. While disciplines exist as paths to enlightenment and religions carve out paths to salvation, crying is the very voice of the human soul. It's presence is a surrender to the limits of human experience. God is God and we are not and cannot.

When confronted by circumstances that take us to the outermost stretches of human limitation where only God can claim control, our cry is an often desperate bow to faith. It is the only moment in our lives where we recognize and accept, however reluctantly, that we are not in control. Crying places us before God with hands outstretched and palms up to receive that which we are incapable of attaining on our own.

Comfort Zones

I think relationship difficulties (person-to-person or group-to-group) reflect differences in comfort zones. Admittedly I have a wide comfort zone and I have an instinctual tendency to resist being boxed in in any way. I look forward to waking up every day to a truly new day unlike any that has gone before it. I hunger for new discoveries, both within myself and the world about me. For me if life is reduced to repeating predictable patterns, then I don't feel like I have a life at all.

My wife has a very narrow comfort zone. Unfortunately for her the things that made up that narrow comfort zone don't even exist for her any more. Gone is the little boy that she single parented - he is now 27. Gone is the job that allowed her to provide well for her son and her while she was raising him - she is now disabled and medically retired from her job after 17 years working 3rd shift in a cereal factory. Gone is the person that was always in control and exercising from power - she is now a lost and empty shell battling a myriad of mental disorders (diagnosed bipolar, then borderline, then obsessive-compulsive and now major depression) on the crest of every psychotropic medication ever produced. She knows neither how to nor does she wish to survive outside her narrow comfort zone. Her anger makes its ugly way to the surface and bearing the brunt of it are my kids.

Perhaps it is because she has lost so much of her comfort zone that she lives such a narrow and rigid life. There are only a few places she will go out to eat at and when she does she will always order the same thing - a grilled chicken sandwich. She has never cooked - that role has always rested with me - but she is not interested in trying new things. Sometimes I think she is more finicky than my two kids.

The house we live in was her house. She wanted me to give up mine even though we would have found ourselves more financially secure. I can understand wanting to live in your home and can understand the urgency for her as she tries to cling to the only thing that is left from her narrow comfort zone - memories.

How do you or is it even possible to reconcile such radical differences in comfort zones?

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Spring Scatter

First. let me express heartfelt thanks and appreciation for the many heartfelt responses to my last post on deliverance. There is certainly a great bunch of folks here at xanga and I treasure being a small part of it. A quick scan of what you all had to offer made me realize I was in the presence of the holy and I felt the urge to remove the sandals from my feet for I found myself on holy ground. I will be revisiting all that was said for a long time to come for in your words I have found a well from which I can draw comfort and encouragement.

The kids are on spring break and, because my wife has unusual (to me) sensitivities about what is acceptible or appropriate with respect to her german shepherd Zack and lab Shadow, we are off this afternoon to spend a few days in a hotel... on the other side of town. The place has a heated indoor pool that, along with a bunch of board games, will give them an experience to cherish. I'm looking forward to the free wireless internet to test out my new laptop after everyone else has gone to sleep for the night...

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Deliverance

When times become difficult or unbearable, from despair springs forth hope that leads us to seek out deliverance from the circumstances creating our adversity or ills. Characteristic throughout Judeo-Christian history is an expectation that either someone will rise up or else God himself will intervene to right the wrongs, bring justice or restore peace. The danger in this cultural conditioning, however, is that when someone or something doesn't emerge to deliver us, we are left irreparably damaged or debilitated by the despair.

We haven't fully grasped an appreciation of the power of personal intention and responsibility. People aren't prone to think of budging from the ground on which we they so comfortably, yet at times desparately, are perched. Folks don't like to venture outside of the box to question methods and attitudes in order to make the changes necessary to deliver themselves.

I find myself in a toxic marriage from which I frequently cry out for deliverance. I carry this attitude that if I can just tough it out things have to turn around and get better... At least things can't seemingly get any worse. It is wrong, however, to stand by waiting for some kind of outside magic that will renew a relationship that burdens every member of the family. The accompanying despair is depression that keeps my wife in bed all day and wreaks havoc with my physical health. The situation takes an unknown toll on my kids in addition to the heightened anxiety in which they uninvitedly find themselves in. It's definitely time (admittedly long overdue) for me to respond from the perspective of personal intention and responsibility to bring about my own deliverance.

From what personal despair do you seek deliverance? Have you clung to the hope that someone or something would magically deliver you? What can you change to bring about your own deliverance?

Sunrise Immigration

Inasmuch as I wish I didn't have to get up so early for work and wish I didn't have such a long commute, I have to pause and give God kudos for the breath-taking sunrises I've been treated to this past week. I am in awe at how God can fill the canvas of the pre-dawn sky with such amazing light and color and how each display is both spectacular and unlike any that has taken place before it. You are truly God and I am thankful! With daylight savings time waiting in the wings this weekend, it'll be a while before I can again enjoy this miracle.

Occupying much of the news this past week is the debate over how to address illegal immigration. I think those who would like to see it become a felony are guilty of exaggerating statistics when they suggest that those crossing our borders are nothing but murderers, robbers, rapists and child molesters. Working in a prison in a state that is the destination of many of them, I can assure you there are plenty of red, white and blue-blooded citizens who are filling that bill. However our elected officials dance around the issue so as to be either politically correct or re-electable, I suggest we consider that we are all immigrants in a world that belongs to God. What the heck, I could also probably argue that there are more spouses than any of us might imagine who feel like an illegal immigrant in their own home! Sometimes I do.

Have a great weekend, everybody!

A Letter of Sympathy

I sent the following letter of sympathy to my ex mother-in-law. I share it here because it tells a bit more of my personal story...

March 29, 2006


Dear Joan,

Please accept my deepest sympathy for you, Helen, Rex and Richard with Claude's passing. I pray that with the passing of time you may all find comfort and peace over your loss.

Time goes by too quickly. In just 6 weeks, Helen and I would have been celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary. I never would have expected that circumstances would lead Helen to decide that I was not the man she wished to accompany her through life, to provide for her family and stand at her side to offer comfort and support at times such as these. Nevertheless, you and Claude were always accepting of me and understanding as well and for that I will forever be grateful. I hope in your heart you feel the same toward me.

When I think of Claude, two things come to mind. First were the great times Helen and I, Shane and a whistling baby named Kaitlyn had when we would get in the car and together hit the open road. I loved our many road trips and, even though gas prices make it harder, continue to enjoy traveling the countryside to this very day. It is what Claude chose to do for a living and, after his disability, we were able to continue to keep what he loved so much alive for him through our many, many car rides together. I have no doubt that these brought him much peace and happiness.

A second memory that I will always treasure is how you and Claude were both there for me after Shane was born. Even though I entered the picture just a month into Helen's pregnancy and, like any father would do, did all I could to bond with him throughout that pregnancy, being "just" a step parent rather than Shane's biological father was difficult for me. I found myself depressed and questioning my relationship to Shane. Through your love and caring I came to appreciate, as you both would frequently assure me, that "anyone can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a daddy."

You are an extraordinary woman, Joan. I think of how lucky a man Claude was to have had you, someone who so unselfishly cared for his basics needs long after he was no longer capable of offering you anything in return. You just don't see that kind of love, faithfulness and commitment much anymore. Please don't second guess yourself about placing him in the nursing home when his health needs became more than you were able to provide. You did everything you could and consistently went beyond the extra mile. Claude fully appreciated everything you did for him to make his life as fulfilling as possible.

As a truck driver, Claude loved the open road. I like the freedom of spirit you find in someone choosing to do this for a living. While his disability may have hampered that spirit and left him dependent upon others for too long a while, his death has once again set his spirit free to hit the open road.

God bless you all

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.