The Nest

By this time of year commencement is over and the leftover potato salad, ham and congratulations cake from all those grad parties have been put away. For many parents this passage is a benchmark in their own journey with respect to their family nest. My 13 year old daughter left the nest this morning, if only for a short while, to embark on a 24 day journey that will take her to the Alaskan wild.

My previous post began a reflection on a collective conscious that connects my life with the meaning and mission of past travelers from other times. Today my thoughts are on Kaitlyn and how her own emerging meaning and mission is itself shaped to an undeniable extent by my own journey, especially that part that is revealed and experienced within the framework of family. Likewise I carry something of her meaning and mission. Life is never exclusively about my own meaning and mission nor do I live my life alone.

The family I have tried to build is neither new nor my exclusive creation. There is but one nest that my family and I share with you, with all who came before us and with all who will follow.

© Copyright 2007 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Friendship Cake

Friendship cake. That delectable treat you bake at home using starter dough received from a friend. Part of the dough is set aside, maybe to share with a friend or, perhaps, yummy as it is, kept to start another cake granting it a sort of eternal life within your home.

When you consider that the friendship cake's existence is derived from an original recipe that is sustained as the dough passes hands into time, each friendship cake is the offspring of the original and a relative of all other cakes.

Similarly my existence, although subject to what I want to make it to be within the windows and doors of opportunity I am able to open, is comprised not just of my life, but of the starter dough of myriad lives that come before me going back in time. There is a sense in which the eternal life of those who came before me is played out in the unfolding of my own existence. Their life meaning and mission forms a collective conscious that lies deep within my soul.

As I reflect back over this life from my earliest memories as a child, I now recognize instances where memory and the fodder of my thoughts and imagination transcended what my experience had been at the time. The only possible explanation is that, in such moments of reaching inward, I was connecting with that collective conscious and touching the most intimate experience of all those who comprised it.

© Copyright 2007 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

The Role of Spirituality

The heart-warming story of Hero's arrival May 25, 2007 in New Hampshire to be united with the grieving family of Army Spc Justin Rollins captures for me the essential role spirituality plays in our lives. Just as this puppy represents a connection for the family with the purest love shown by their loved one the day before he was killed in a roadside bomb in Samarra, Iraq, so do we seek similar points of connection with a God whose boundless love gave birth not only to the heavens and earth, but made our very existence possible.

© Copyright 2007 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Passion For Life

Just before the dawn, faint glimmers of light appear in the sky. As the earth turns on its axis, its many creatures stretch and start to awaken. Then the light brightens as the birds announce the coming day. Our waking minds change focus from the land of dreams and fantasy to a world that demands intelligent choices, a world pleading for love.

The choices required of us come from having a strong passion for life. A passion for life is more than a nebulous feeling of optimism and love of living. It is the commitment to life that motivates us to do our best and strive to make a positive difference in other peoples' lives. It is the determination to fight for what we believe in and to fight against suffering, injustice, and the waste of natural resources. It is the decision to transcend barriers that inhibit our best efforts. It reflects a commitment to be and to do more than we believed was possible.

Having a passion for life means being excited and involved in what is and what can be. It is like waking up and feeling full of energy. It is like falling in love and being full of joy. It is like being imprisoned and suddenly set free.

From the Introduction to Passion for Life: Psychology and the Human Spirit by Murial James and John James

Beyond The Grave

"Why do you seek the living among the dead?" - Luke 24:5

It caught me by surprise when, last night after dark, I received a call from Chris telling me she was going to accompany her parents to visit Teresa's grave. Nine months have passed since their 51 year old daughter and sister's death to cancer. With the exception of my father-in-law's week-long stint in the hospital himself with internal bleeding, Chris' parents have visited the grave every day religiously. They say it gets harder for them with the passing of time.

When they get to the cemetery they talk to Teresa as one would share the day's unfolding with a loved one or friend over a cup of coffee. More than a few tears are shed and, before they depart, they embrace the headstone.

November is particularly difficult for my in-laws as it was tradition for the family to gather at Teresa's to celebrate Thanksgiving. This year there will be no such family gathering nor will they journey this winter to Florida as they have over the years. "It is too soon," they say. "It just wouldn't be right."

I am sure many grieving parents find themselves going through similar motions with the approach of the holidays. I can't begin to imagine what it must be like for a parent to lose a child, however old. I consider myself blessed that, at 55, I still have my parents. I wonder, however, how long my in-laws will cling to their routine. They don't really think Teresa would have wanted them to stop living just because she lost her own battle with cancer.

Now we are surely creatures of habit and find great comfort in going through the motions of what is familiar. Growth demands however that we pause to ask the hard questions. But asking "Why" leaves us vulnerable.

Yet if any hope at all can be found in the experience of death it is that the deceased is no longer restricted by place and time. The spirit is set free, no longer bound by the body. To over identify with the grave is to doom a loved one to the same limits imposed on them in this life.

Although Teresa's body rests in that hallowed hole, her spirit won't be found there. Her spirit will be found in the things she loved to do in life, like gather with family to celebrate Thanksgiving. I believe that in my life my ancestors story continues to unfold and, long after I take my last steps on earth, my own story will continue in those I leave behind. But that story cannot continue when the grief of loved ones prevent them from living.

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Election 2006: Politics & Christian Values

Another bitterly contested election reaches its climax today. I will not miss the barrage of television ads, most sponsored by political action committees, defaming an opponent rather than advocating what each candidate personally stands for or proposes. I will not miss the politicians who fuel the flames of polarization to advance their campaigns, pitting democrat against republican, conservative against liberal, red state against blue state.

A particular pet peeve of mine are politicians who seek election on the coat tails of the electorate's sentiment over emotionally charged "values." True Christian values are neither "conservative" nor "liberal" - They are Christian. Nowhere in scripture are those values more simply or clearly stated than in Matthew 25. Neither "Conservatives" (who tout an anti-abortion and anti-gay agenda to the neglect of the social consciousness mandated by scripture) nor "liberals" (who promote the welfare of the poor, infirm and elderly but turn their head to protecting the sanctity of all life beginning with the most vulnerable) are getting it right!!! Perhaps a complete boycott of the midterm elections would send a message to politicians that would make them shutter. What would they do if the vote was "0" to "0" ? Would they get the message that "enough is enough?"

I encourage Christians throughout this country to exercise their right to vote. Before you do, however, please step away from the rhetoric of partisan politics and from the extremists from both parties who fan the flames of polarization to win our vote by fearing or hating the other side. Take off your red shirt or your blue shirt. Our vote can put an end to this era and forge a new majority united by hope, love and reason.

Before you vote, consider the following prayer:

We realize that much is "incorrect" about the world in which we live, and we pray that our vote may be cast for leaders, who, committed to the common good, can address these grave problems.

In the United States, 38 million people are hungry and nearly 46 million are uninsured. A person who works a full-time minimum wage job cannot adequately provide for a family. May the vote we cast elect leaders who will create an option for the poor and vulnerable.

Despite the advice of spiritual leaders to the contrary, our country supports violent solutions to conflict. In an age of fear, when the problems of terrorism and extremism loom in the background of policy decisions, important civil rights and freedoms have been weakened. May the vote we cast elect leaders who will promote peace and protect human rights.

The environment is being degraded. The future of our earth is in peril. Yet, U.S. leaders have neglected to sign-on to important international protocol on the environment. May the vote we cast elect leaders who will care for God's Creation.

Current events have diverted our focus from social atrocities: 2.8 million people die of HIV/AIDS ever year; millions more die of other preventable diseases. Millions of people live in refuge camps around the world, displaced by war and conflict. Drought and famine plague multiple countries around the world at any given moment. May the vote we cast elect leaders who will protect the dignity of all human life.

God of Hope, God of Peace, we pray for your spirit in the upcoming election. We pray for leaders who will uphold and protect the most poor and vulnerable in our world. We pray for leaders who will stand for the common good. Amen

WHAT WOULD JESUS DO?... VOTE!

(adapted from a prayer by Jill Rauh, Education for Justice)

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Laicization

Following my reflections on the prodigal priest, some have asked me to prayerfully consider laicization so that I can be married in and fully embraced by the Catholic Church and once again actively participate in a ministry of service to that Church. As I write this follow up, I assure you I have indeed prayed in earnest and appreciate those who have joined me in this prayer of discernment.

As I prayerfully reflect back upon my life, as I reconsider both the paths I have chosen to take as well as the unchosen that were set before me and intended for my taking, as I pause to recognize God's presence along the way, one thing is undeniably clear... God knocked on my door before I ever knocked at his. The call that stirred my restless, hungry heart throughout the formative years of my youth and the call to serve that I heard and accepted is as real today as it was twenty-four years ago TODAY when I was ordained to the priesthood!

Despite all the faith and love behind the suggestion, to pursue the path of laicization would require that I look back and accept that impediments prevented all of it from really happening. To do that would be to condemn myself to living out the rest of my days as a lie. And that would make as much sense as Mary recanting her "yes" to God concerning the virgin birth because Christians following in Jesus' footsteps have failed over two millenia to clothe themselves in the gospel's spirit of love and compassion and because the world does not recognize Christians for their openness, inclusion and acceptance - their love for one another!

So, after prayerful consideration, I reaffirm on this 24th anniversary of my ordination to the priesthood that I was called to be a priest, I accepted that call and served in active ministry faithfully, literally pouring myself out to the point of brokenness, that those who come to know me witness that priestly character by my words, actions and demeanor and, finally, that God isn't through with me yet! Today I recommit myself to answering "yes" to that call!

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

The Prodigal Priest

A Catholic friend messaged me the other day with questions that led to a reflection worthy of a post. She had taken advantage of a lull in her work as a library clerk assisting students with their research to, thinking of me, do her own research on married priests. She asked:

1. Having never renounced my vows, do I still get to be a priest?
2. Do I still celebrate mass?
3. Do I celebrate private weddings for couples?
4. Is my role at the prison that of a priest?

My friend observed that she thought it would be horrible if I weren't able to do the work that I was ordained to do and she hoped I could still do the "official" stuff.

People blog for different reasons, many for friendship or to become part of a broader social circle. I blog primarily to converse with myself in the hope of reconnecting with my purpose and honoring my destiny. It is also my hope and prayer that as I reflect upon my own journey, those who read this story, in some mysterious way, come closer to understanding their own. Now I've noticed that most blogs, even some very good ones with worthwhile content, go relatively unnoticed. Comments are important to me not because I lust to ascend to a blogger featured page, but because I sincerely appreciate feedback and enjoy reading how my story has connected with yours. This exchange with readers helps me to put the pieces of life's puzzle back together again.

Although there are some dissimilarities, lately I have come to see myself and my story in light of Jesus' parables of the lost in Luke 15. Out of curiousity I ran a search of my own for "prodigal priest" to see if there was anyone else out there on the internet wrestling with the same issues and circumstances. I discovered only one, an episcopal priest deposed for an undisclosed sexual impropriety. But I am not a "deposed" priest. I never abused anyone. My sin was to let aching human loneliness draw me away from the love of the Lord and a ministry I cherished. That line about not knowing what you've got until it's gone - it's true!

I was ordained a diocesan Roman Catholic priest in 1982. I had the privilege of serving four communities in southwestern Michigan as parochial vicar and pastor. In 1989 I was given a difficult assignment which I will reflect upon at another time in another post. For the purpose of this reflection, suffice it to say I gave of myself selflessly and completely until I didn't have anything left inside to give any more. When the evil and ill will of a determined faction bent on waging a holy war to dictate the course of a parish set their sights on good and decent people who had accepted my invitation and encouragement to serve their community in ministry, when in one particular instance a parishioner became so distraught over the situation she sought to take her own life by an overdose of pills, I discovered my limits and experienced burn out that led to my own hospitalization. The extreme loneliness that had been my companion gave a face to the utter emptiness and brokeness I felt at this critical time in my life.

I felt betrayed by the Church I had served and abandoned by a bishop of whom brother priests had spoken often was at his best when showing support of priests in their time of need. In hindsight I remind myself that it was at this time the bishop himself was in the midst of bouncing back from being seriously ill from an unknown malady from a trip overseas. Nevertheless I had given of myself without reservation to everyone I had been called to serve in their need but found no one at my side in my own. Broken and vulnerable, in the midst of my loneliness, despair and isolation, a woman befriended me. I had never known what it was like to have someone seemingly love me more than I loved myself. I didn't feel hurt or empty or lonely any more. That friendship grew as I convalesced and a year later, after much soul searching and prayer, I informally "left" the priesthood to get married.

One of two things happens when a priest gets married. Some priests will seek out laicization. It is important to keep in mind that the Church believes Ordination (Holy Orders), like all the sacraments, imparts an indelible character that forever changes a person. Like the process of annulment in the Church, laicization is a way around this understanding of sacramental grace and indelible character by proving that the sacrament, be it marriage or ordination, never occurred in the first place because of impediments that prevented the imparting of grace. But I, like so many priests who have left active ministry to get married, have never renounced my vows and am not interested in laicization. Once a priest, always a priest. As the ritual itself announces, "You are a priest forever according to the order of Melchizedek ( Hebrews 5:6 )."

And so for priests like me, we continue to love the Lord Jesus, love the Church and are fully committed to lives of service ministering to the broken, the weary and the hungry. At the end of the game show The Weakest Link many years ago, host Ann Robinson, after telling the winner what he or she had just won, would next turn to the loser and announce "And you... just go away." And so it is with married priests. We're still priests... we just "go away"... we disappear. We're no longer acknowledged, cast into exile because we fell in love.

Although there is much more I could reflect upon and share on the topic, it's time to draw this reflection to a close and answer my friend's questions. Ordination was a defining moment for me and not just a chapter from a bygone era in my life. Yes, I am still (and always will be) a priest, albeit officially an inactive one. Despite our desire to the contrary to serve, we are no longer invited by the Church to formally exercise ministry although I, like most, still celebrate mass. I have performed weddings and funerals when asked. My work at the prison is not that of priest although my being a priest can never be separated from anything I do. In the course of interviewing prisoners, many have paused to express their appreciation that I dealt with them in a compassionate and non-judgmental way. My faith and my calling permits me no less.

Finally, my friend later asks, "You were talking about "true love." You had said that you had everything that you wanted with Christ, and yet you were still looking for that one special love. Do you regret your decision to marry?"

Though lonely, I never looked for that someone special. When you are a priest there are lonely women who inevitably come your way to tempt your commitment and play on your vulnerability. I've reflected on this before as another kind of sexual abuse that has never been explored by the Church. Some may wonder why, if Christ is a priest's "enough", would he ever be lonely anyway? Bear in mind in Jesus rests the fullness of God and the fullness of our humanity. Jesus enjoyed an intimacy with God we can only hope may be ours some day in another life. Jesus could have come to earth and lived a cloistered life altogether and fulfilled his mission. Yet he sought out the close friends we call the Twelve. Was it human loneliness of sorts that led him to ask them to follow him into the garden and remain at his side ( see Mark:14 32-34 )?

Do I regret my decision to get married? Honestly? Yes and no... No because I have been gifted with raising two beautiful kids - an adopted son who needed a father's love and a biological daughter... Yes, because the pain and emptiness I feel inside about not being able to actively pastor in the Church is far greater than the pain of either my past loneliness or brokenness... And if you sense that I am torn apart on the inside...

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

You Don't Have To Wait Much Longer

God works in strange and mysterious ways. I came face-to-face with this truth when I interviewed a prisoner a couple of days ago.

You wouldn't want to encounter the likes of inmate "M" on the streets. His body is marked with "13" and "XIII", branding him as a Sureno and he sports a teardrop under his left eye. Influenced by an uncle, his gang affiliation began in San Antonio, Texas, at age 11. His family moved to southwest Detroit where the Surenos and Latin Counts are bloody rivals seeking respect by waging war in the streets. In the past month alone I have seen over a dozen members of these gangs from this area committed to the state prison for violent, gang-motivated crimes including homicide.

On one level I can understand the bitter rivalry. As we approach the back stretch of the midterm elections, I'm reminded how politically polarized we've become. For the time being the electorate seems content to wage its war in the voting booth, but if candidates don't emerge who can speak a unifying language that can bridge our perceived differences and lead us to stand on common ground, red state-blue state and liberal-conservative could become the Hatfields-McCoys. It has been refreshing to see Illinois senator Barack Obama on the cover of Time magazine and speaking on Oprah and Larry King this past week. He is the one politician to come around in a long time who steps away from the polarizing rhetoric and presents issues in an inclusive way.

I guess in the end what is taking place in southwest Detroit, the streets of Bagdad and in the political ads playing on television is a mirror in which we can see our own reflection. Does it make us uncomfortable? When you talk to him, "M" realizes gang culture hasn't been worth the cost. He and his wife lost a 3 month old daughter in the bullet spray of a drive-by shooting into their home a couple of years ago.

"M" is Catholic and my having been ordained a Catholic priest in 1982 lent a spiritual tone to the interview. He related how, despite being happily married and in love with his wife and newborn son, he feels restless inside and had begun to turn to alcohol to escape his pain. There are many ways we go about anesthetizing that restlessness. Until being prescribed Byetta three and a half weeks ago, my personal drug of convenience if not choice or utility was food.

At the end of the interview, after "M" had journeyed down some difficult personal paths with me and shed a few tears, he paused. He looked me in the eye and said, very sincerely, "The Holy Spirit told me to tell you this. You won't have to wait much longer."

Yes, God does work in strange and mysterious ways. Could he have chosen "M" to deliver a message intended for me? Why would he choose a gang member and a convict as his emissary? The funny thing is, the message does speak to me in a number of ways and despite the lips from which it was delivered, I welcomed and needed to hear that message.

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Where I'm Supposed To Be

From time to time I catch myself in a funk, questioning whether my life has any meaning or purpose. I feel an aching dissatisfaction, that there is so much more inside of me that neither my life nor my circumstances allow me to celebrate, express or give. One of the principles Dr. Wayne Dyer espouses for happiness and peace is to avoid dying with your music still in you. Within each and every one of us is a unique song that only you can sing by the life you lead. But sometimes life doesn't seem to be interested in me singing my song.

When I'm facing the blues I have to remind myself of all those times looking back when it felt like someone somewhere was watching out for me, when luck or fate was actually on my side and I was spared from having to go down very dark or difficult roads. Recalling those occasions renews an appreciation that God does have something special in store for me, even though it doesn't always seem that way.

How cool it would be if each of us could author the unique way we would contribute to life and the world, if each could write his own legacy. Some are given that opportunity but for me, like the vast majority, God has his own ideas. For that reason I have no choice but to keep my focus on cherishing what I have rather than feeling sorry for myself over what is missing. While keeping an open mind, heart and spirit, I will look around and about me for the doors of opportunity to swing wide to let me in. Until then I believe I am right where I'm supposed to be...

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Heaven, Fall & Endings

The other man's grass is always greener
The sun shines brighter on the other side.
- Sung by Petula Clark in 1967 -


Heaven. The Promised Land. Shangri-la. Throughout the ages human dissatisfaction with the present has stirred a longing for another place where suffering, hardship, defeat and even death are absent. Sometimes that longing becomes the only hope in an existence that seems too cruel, unfair or unbearable. Sadly it is at that point we have, in effect, estranged heaven from earth.

Apparently our space exploration has taught us nothing. There are volumes of awe-inspiring pictures taken from the heavens that capture the intimate relationship enjoyed by heaven and earth. When looking off onto the horizon, how can one not see or imagine a point where earth and heaven actually meet and touch? For me to find that point is to discover the most powerful meaning of the "present." What greater goal could there be for the spiritual journey than to find that bridge?

Seeing heaven and earth as two separate places gives rise to many errors. It leads to the demonizing of the earth and our life upon it. It leads to the overglamorization of heaven where we attribute values and experiences that ought to be sought after here on earth. And, as we witnessed just over five years ago, it permits radicalized Muslims to board planes and bring about mass death and destruction to "get to the other side."

Fall invites and sometimes even urges a reflection on endings but considering the end of anything is an uncomfortable topic of conversation for many. Yet all around us we witness an undeniable transformation. On nature's canvas the life born of spring and nurtured in summer puts on one last splendid display before it enters into its time of rest - to stand naked, silent and still. But isn't the truely miraculous point of it all that next spring the story will be retold, will unfold again, just as it has from age to age?

Nature, the seasons and the renewal of life have taught me not to fear endings at all. Of course there is grief and sadness for we are confronted with the reality that we cannot cling forever to who and what we know and have grown comfortable with. But life is like those leaves we see falling from the trees all around us. People we have grown to love and cherish and the health, success and security we have worked hard an entire lifetime to find or achieve will all eventually fall beyond our grasp as individual leafs letting go of the tree of life we have shared. As the fall and our lifetime progress, we find ourselves increasingly alone and isolated on that tree. It is spiritually imperative that we come to peace with it being alright for us to let go ourselves. Considering how resistant we are to change throughout our lives, it is no surprise whatsoever that we find that letting go so difficult.

As I reflect on heaven, I find great solace in the cyclical pattern of nature. Afterall, since we humans are also part of that nature why would we not also be subject to the pattern of renewal we see displayed before our very eyes each year? From winter's dormancy new life will sprout in the spring. How is that any different from the miracle of child bearing and birth where a new life is born of the dormancy of the womb?

That life continues beyond our death I have no doubt, but what that life may look like has been the fodder of spiritual hope and speculation from the beginning of time. No one, not even the risen Jesus, has returned from the other side to reveal what awaits us. At first that may seem curious or odd but if that picture of heaven were definitively given to us we, being the humans that we are, would either grow impatient with or intolerant of life as we now know it, or would use that image as reason to commit acts to earn or buy our way into it, or would find fault with the ways in which it might fall short of our expectations, or would be incapable of comprehending it altogether anyway.

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Abuse, Betrayal of Trust & Learning to Live Again

When my trust has been betrayed, I am likely to find myself resistant to ever trusting again. This can only result in the rest of life being lived out in fear... which is really not living at all. So how do I get beyond past betrayals so that I can begin to trust again?

One of the points that TV's Dr. Phil often makes is that at any given moment in my life, I do (or have done) what I can (or could) within the limits of my knowledge and experience at the time. It is not my fault if my trust has been betrayed and I have found myself hurt, abused or taken advantage of. Regardless of how devastating the hurt or abuse may have been, there is a sense in which what has happened expands my knowledge and experience and empowers me so I am not as susceptible to abuse or my trust being betrayed in the future.

This means that instead of living in debilitating fear that what happened in the past could happen again, I can instead approach life with some degree of confidence knowing that I am smarter and more aware and that leaves me safer and more secure. I don't need to be afraid of lurking ghosts or the shadows from a dark past because my knowledge and experience will allow me to recognize situations or circumstances where I may find myself vulnerable to being hurt or abused.

Perhaps there is also an underlying sense of shame that my abuse has left me tarnished in some way. This may leave me feeling unworthy of living again, of loving and being loved, of deserving good fortune, success or happiness. The one thing I have in common with all, however, is that we are broken souls, damaged goods. It is simply not possible to walk through life unscathed. Circumstances and experiences abound that leave us bruised and scarred. Yet at the same time I have been redeemed. I have value and purpose that no person or thing can ever take away.

So go forth to live and love. You are not bound or fettered by past experiences of abuse. There is no reason to shroud yourself in fear. Rise up and greet the new dawn!

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Your Relationship With GOD

MY RESPONSES (AS I ANSWER) WILL BE IN ITALICS

1. Write down in one or two sentences your own definition, feeling and experience of God.
God is the source, center and summit of all life.

2. Which of the following words fit your conception, feeling and/or experience of God.

Father Mother Friend
Protector Beloved Ruler
Judge Spirit Intelligence
Energy Creator Forgiveness
Love Merciful Punishment
Helper Provider Transcendent
Within Above Presence
Kind Fierce All-knowing
Participant Uninvolved Almighty

3. What role does God play (or not play) in your life?
God is a centering force in my life, the One who keeps me focussed on what really matters in life, who makes it possible for me to experience peace, acceptance, love when I am living in harmony with him

4. If you could ask only three questions of God, what would they be?
I'll just focus on trusting instead of asking questions...

5. If you could have God fulfill three specific wishes or requests, what would they be?
I believe that God empowers us to fulfill our own wishes and dreams (even the noblest amd most unselfish of wishes), but it is always up to us to do the work.

6. To identify the ways in which you most need to make peace with God, answer yes or no to the following questions:

* Do you feel you have turned away from God - or that God has turned away from you? At times, but whenever I have found myself wandering off on my own, I am soon reminded of who and what really does matter...

* Do you ever feel unworthy of receiving God's love? No

* Do you sometimes get angry at God? No, I get angry with myself

* Do you ever doubt God's existence? No, but sometime's I wonder whether G-O-O-D exists

* Do you ever feel afraid of God's wrath? No

* Do you ever wonder why God allows evil and suffering to exist? No, God doesn't allow it... humanity does

* Are your spiritual beliefs in conflict with those of your family or your religious heritage? No

* Do you yearn to experience - or reexperience - God's presence? Always

7. Examine Your Spiritual History.

* How would you characterize the way your parents or step-parents felt about God? Probably a blend of hope, faith and superstition

* What did they teach you, explicitly and implicitly, about spirituality? That always at the center of spirituality is love

* In what ways, if any, was your spirituality affected by other family members, e.g. uncles, aunts, siblings, grandparents? It wasn't

* Was God a source of love and joy? Yes

* Was God used to intimidate or shame you, or make you feel sinful or unworthy? No

* What influence, if any, did specific clergy have on your developing attitudes toward God and religion? All the difference in the world. John Grathwohl became my mentor and led me on a path leading to ordination

* Were religious occasions a pleasant, rich experience, or did you resent having to take part? After my conversion, pleasant and rich

* How has your attitude toward God changed in adulthood? It has evolved from what I needed or hoped God to be to acceptance of who and what God is

* Have you come to question any of your early beliefs? Reject them? Disdain them? No

* What were the turning points in your religious or spiritual development? Conversion, ordination, marriage, children, marriage breakup

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

In Defense Of Marriage & Family - An Editorial

My editorial today is intended more as a spiritual reflection than a political statement. In my view, belief in and faithfulness to God is conscientiously, prayerfully and faithfully living a life in harmony with a seamless array of divinely inspired and ordained values and principles. No political party fully embraces "the things of God" or "the ways of God" and therefore neither are deserving of a vote as the champion of faith. What angers me are those politicians, in this case those in the Republican Party, who openly court as their base a people trying hard to lead faith-filled lives by portraying themselves as their champion... and that "base" blindly and uncritically following these pipers even though the tune they play is wrought with so many contradictions to the very kind of life they are trying faithfully to lead. It is my hope that this editorial stirs people to question these highly suspect, Pharisaic motions and to begin to hold such politicians to higher standards of accountability.

Listening to the news on the radio on the way in to work this morning, I felt heartened that the President and GOP incumbents in the US Senate are focusing on the one issue of major consequence facing the American people today. My marriage has never felt so defended.

Afterall, marriage has been and is under assault. Unless you are born into privilege, it's going to take daddy and mommy each working one or more jobs to meet the financial demands of family. Ever rising gas prices will require finding yet another job in order to put gas in the car for the commute to and from those jobs. But that's okay. All those Americans holding down all those jobs makes for great statistics to run for reelection on - having created all those new jobs and putting America back to work.

And while mommy and daddy are both off to work, thanks to financially strapped school districts and communities inability to provide structured and safe educational and recreational opportunities for youth, the kids have all kinds of time to go home and log onto MySpace to place those personal ads that predators find so enticing. Or maybe they'll take to the street with hats turned and pant legs pegged to the people's left or folk's right for the sense of family that does not exist under their own roof, to the streets where gang-related crime runs rampant because law enforcement too lacks adequate funding so that we can continue to fund all those tax breaks to "keep stimulating the economy."

And if anyone in the family should face serious illness, adequate health care is fast becoming less and less accessible. But have no fear, for our leaders have also rewritten bankruptcy laws in such a way that surely lenders will be more than happy to front you money for which you will spend the remainder of your life in debt trying to repay.

And these reflections don't even begin to look at the kind of America we have and are creating for the least among us (does Matthew 25 matter anyway?).

Excluding gays from the institution of marriage will have a much more profound and lasting influence on strengthening marriage and family than would requiring the love struck from entering into it much more slowly and only after solid preparation. It is much more cost effective to judge or bash homosexuals than it is to give couples real tools to manage the myriad of bumps that make marriage so difficult.

Hats off to Karl Rove. The man's a political genius. He is so adept at knowing how and when to dangle just the right emotionally charged carrot to propel his army to elected posts where they hold the power to pursue whatever their real agenda is. But champion of Marriage and Family? Look again evangelical Christians, and beware.

My question is simple: When will that evangelical conservative base, who is so quick to bite at such political tactics, see through it all and start to hold these people accountable for talking out of both sides of their mouth?

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Pentecost Sunday

Pentecost Sunday. God sharing the animating gift of his spirit, a spirit that was evident over the waters of the abyss at creation and became the very life-breath of humankind. A powerful spirit that transforms us from timidity and apathy to confidence and courage. A spirit that challenges yet comforts and consoles. A spirit that can lead to all truth. For all who seek to "connect with their source," God has made that task easy by living in the Spirit!

From time-to-time we are privileged to know persons whose lives are animated by the Spirit of God. One such person for me celebrates today the 50th Anniversary of his Ordination to the Priesthood. I have written of Jim Barrett here before. It is almost unfathomable how many lives have been touched by Jim in 50 years of ministry. For every person he is aware of having touched there will be several that will remain unknown to him, but touched and touched deeply nonetheless. And that is the way of God's Spirit.

Jim, I was privileged to have begun my own priestly ministry as an intern standing at your side. Our two years together have left me with a lifetime of memories. I cherish your friendship. Congratulations and Godspeed!

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

A Kid's Eye View - Part Two

Teen Heads To Prison For Mom's Stabbing Death
Son Claims He Was On 'Mission For God'

PONTIAC, Mich. -- A Rochester Hills teenager who admitted stabbing his mother to death was sentenced Monday to 25 to 37 ½ years in prison.

As part of a plea agreement, Christopher Dankovich, 16, pleaded guilty to second-degree murder in the April 24, 2005, death of his mother, Diane Michele Dankovich.

"I don't know what else to say to you," Oakland County Circuit Judge John J. McDonald said in court. "You're a young man, and I feel very sorry for you. I hope you get the help you need."

Christopher Dankovich was 15 when his mother was slain in the family's home. He was arrested at his family's cabin in St. Helen, more than 100 miles north of Rochester Hills.

Authorities have said that Dankovich killed his mother after she confronted him about using the Internet to look at pornography and learn how to make weapons.

Dankovich had withdrawn an earlier guilty plea after McDonald rejected a sentencing deal made between his attorney and the prosecutor. McDonald had said then that he could not agree to a 22 ½- to 34-year prison term for Dankovich, who authorities said stabbed his mother 111 times.

At a hearing last week on Dankovich's mental condition, a psychologist testified that the teen believed he was on "mission for God" to kill people who were threatening children, and the intended targets included pornographers, abortion doctors and U.S. Sen. John Kerry, D-Mass., a former presidential candidate.

Because of his age, reception center processing is expedited to get him to a facility that can address his personal safety in a predatory environment as well as begin to meet his programming needs. I interviewed him this morning to complete his classification and take him one step closer to transfer.

This story has tragedy written all over it. This kid was just that... looking more like 13 than 16, he struck me not as a distant psychopathic killer but as a kid in shock, scared and overwhelmed. What he did was absolutely horrendous, yet nothing happens in a vacuum. I often wonder what pieces, what circumstances, what life events fall into place to trigger such an unfortunate episode... not to find excuses, but to understand.

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

A Kid's Eye View

***WARNING*** Contains graphic references...

Today I ran across the following statement from a 16 year old boy whose high school principal called one of their "invisible kids," having presented "no behavioral, attendance or grade issues to be on anyone's radar." I will put this in context later, but share it here, in segments, for the purpose of discussion, which could go in a number of directions. Does this stir anyone's thoughts like it did my own?

"When I was fourteen, I started reading the Bible a lot, I had some questions about Why Am I Here? What Is My Purpose? And the more I read the Bible, it made sense to me and a lot of things became clear.

My interest in abortion started when my little sister was born and I held her in my arms, it hit me-How can people kill these children? She was the same to me outside of the womb as she was inside, a little, innocent child, dependant on us all for her survival, and I couldn't understand how these doctors could do that.

I started studying anti-abortion on the internet and at the same time I was interested in the military. My friend and I agreed that after graduation, we were going to go into the Marines. I became interested in making guns and learning how to make pipe bombs.

I studied the abortion issue for the past two years and developed a list of doctors that I planned to kill-in order to save who knows how many children's lives. I did not look at killing abortion doctors as murder-I looked at it as stopping them from murdering little, innocent children. I saved the list and several related files on my computer.

I also wanted to stop pedophiles, and needed to find out who the BIG people were in the industry, so that I could stop them too. That's why I downloaded and looked at those child pornography sites, to find out who these people were-I am totally against harming children in any way.

The more I read the Bible, the more I realized that I was a Soldier of God and that it was my purpose to save these children, and I was prepared to go to prison for the rest of my life or die for that cause. Every day and year that I wait, more children would die and I felt that if I got caught after I stopped the first one and went to prison forever, it would be worth it, knowing that I saved the lives of other children.

I also became worried that John Kerry may be elected and because of his stand on the Right To Life issue, I also planned to kill him too, if he became elected. I studied these things, but I wasn't on my computer all day or anything, I don't think I was obsessed with it."

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Emotional Healing

One of the reasons I stopped watching shows like Dr. Phil is because they reduce problem solving to following the 2 or 3 easy steps that make up their latest "strategy." While I do not doubt the merit of their intentions, problems aren't always easily categorized. Life is often times complicated and messy. It is never "one size fits all." What may work to resolve issues for a majority of people may not work for me.

It is essential that I never stop believing in myself. No matter how heavy the weight I carry on my shoulders, how troubling the burden, I cannot focus on it without also recognizing that at that very moment I am carrying it! Probably the most important lesson in life I have ever learned is that I am a survivor. No matter how scarey or hopeless or overwhelming or troubling the life circumstances I face, there will eventually come a time when I can look back and say I overcame the obstacles.

Like broken bones, emotional brokeness can take a long, long time to mend. Sometimes there are setbacks. Once in a while a broken bone may even need to be reset in order to heal properly. Feelings are far more fragile than bones. There aren't "casts" or "slings" or "crutches" that I can put on my broken feelings or the scars on my spirit.

Probably more important in the healing process than listening to the most well-intended advice of others is to keep talking about my suffering. Emotional healing is kind of like a foul-smelling room. I have to clean things up and open the windows to get rid of the odor before the room will be clean and fresh again. Talking through my pain and suffering opens the windows and cleans my insides getting rid of the effects of the dark times in my life. When I get cut, I bleed. The bleeding is what cleans the wound and paves the way for the cut to heal. Crying is the way my feelings bleed. It's okay to cry until I can't cry any more.

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Called

Prior to entering the seminary and throughout the course of my studies for the priesthood, my focus was that of discernment, of listening intently for God's voice and trying to determine to what that voice was calling me and where that voice was leading me. The lifestyle of a seminarian allowed me to filter out much of the noise and clutter that bring daily distractions preventing God's voice from being heard. I found that as long as I remained intimately connected to that voice life's journey was never void of meaning and purpose.

Discernment never stops. That voice continues to call me in ever new and often times unexpected ways. Gone are the days when I enjoyed a lifestyle that filtered out the distractions. Now I must listen intently for the voice amidst the day-to-day chaos that is life.

© Copyright 2006 gentlefootprint. All Rights Reserved.

Values - Part 3

So we face the reality that people in partnerships or community experience problems because of a disparity of values. We acknowledge that we are dealing with the reality that to hold something as a value presupposes its non-negotiable status and that no value can be applied universally. This is the stuff that has and continues to fuel discord between peoples and nations. It appears we stand in the face of an unresolvable problem.

Certainly God could solve the dilemma with a single brush stroke by doing away with free will and imposing universal divine values as a condition for the gift of life. But that is not God's way of doing business with us. As beings who reflect God's image and likeness, he has given us the capability of either uniting together under a set of commonly held values or to self-destruct in their absence. We seem to be doing a better job of the latter.

I believe that a big part of the problem is that most people fail to reflect on what they value. Too much of life is spent neither aware of nor in harmony with our values. Instead we blindly follow after our urges and impulses, mistaking them for values.

There is a simple, grassroots solution. In homes all over the world families need to prayerfully reflect on and name the values that identify them. Conscious and conscientious effort on the part of all family members to find ways to live out their values should become an integral part of the daily routine. We need to transform our busy body character so that rather than doing much, we do what we do well. Once this framework is in place, then people entering into partnerships (relationships) and community will begin to recognize that the same values drive us all.

What values identify you and your family? How do the individual members of your family embody these values in their day-to-day activities?